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She shook her head no and climbed back into her bed, with him sitting next to her and resting an arm across her body.
“You and Ry OK?” she asked quietly, remembering how Ryan had told her he was still in love with her in front of Tyler, which she was pretty sure hadn’t felt good.
“Yeah, we’re fine. He’s been suckin’ my dick like, three times a day since that night, so I mean, I guess I should thank you. I think my balls are goin’ numb.”
“I’m sorry, Ty. I really am.”
“Don’t be. He gives a badass BJ. Like, the best head I’ve ever gotten. Good way to shut his whiny ass up, too.”
“No, I mean I’m sorry for…everything. Everything that happened with Ryan, everything that happened with you. I used both of you guys. I didn’t intend to, but I did. And I have an insane amount of guilt about it.”
“Hey?” He ran a hand through her hair. “I have zero regrets about anything that happened with you. We fuckin’ had fun, Amara, and you led me and Rook to each other. Neither one of our stubborn asses would’ve ever acted on our feelings if you hadn’t encouraged us.”
“I hurt him, Ty. I hate myself for it. He didn’t deserve that.”
“Nah, you both hurt each other. He wasn’t innocent either. And not for nothin’, but Ryan Baylor’s been hurtin’ girls his whole life. There’s only so much shit you can throw at the world before it gets fed up and tosses some back at you.” He patted her arm and leaned in to kiss her on her forehead. “You don’t need to worry about Rook. I’m gonna take care of him, OK?”
“You love him?”
Tyler nodded. “So fuckin’ much it terrifies me.” He got up from the bed and headed towards her door. “I’ll check in with you later, OK? If you need anything, you know where to find me.” He closed her door and left, and though she’d never been more grateful for another human being, it was time.
She knew exactly what she needed to do.
???
Ryan paced nervously outside the restaurant and checked his phone.
3:56 p.m.
He wanted to go inside, but he was too anxious. Going inside would make it real; at least out here, he could pretend he was doing something else entirely.
He’d been back to therapy twice since his birthday, explaining to Dr. Gephart everything that had gone down with Hayes and with Amara and Jake.
“I don’t believe you’re in love with her, Ryan. What I believe is that she’s the first woman who’s ever given you a run for your money. You’re used to calling the shots, throwing girls away when you decide you’re done with them, controlling who gets to come close to you. She came in and took that ability away from you. I don’t deny that there’s love between the two of you, but you’re not in love with her, Ryan.”
“Why does it hurt so bad then?”
“Sometimes our most painful experiences end up being those that we create within our minds.”
“Hey,” a voice said, and Ryan turned around to see Jake. “Why didn’t you wait inside? Aren’t you freezing?”
“I’m fine. Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
They headed inside, opting for a high top in the bar area. The waitress had immediately come over, they’d ordered a couple of beers and made some small talk until their drinks arrived at the table.
“So? I guess you’re wondering why I wanted to meet up with you,” Ryan began.
“I think I have a pretty good idea, but let’s hear it.”
“I wanted to…” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Sorry. I’m getting anxious. Give me a sec.”
You need to explain things to him and fix things for her. She didn’t deserve what you did to her and neither did he. He deserves to hear the truth, just like you deserve to hear the truth. You can do this.
He opened his eyes. “OK. I’m good. I wanted to let you know why all of that happened, and I’m hopeful you can work things out with her because she really likes you, man.”
“I really like her, too,” he said. “But Ryan? I’m almost 50 years old. I don’t have time or patience for this bullshit. Especially coming off a divorce recently? I don’t need any more drama.”
