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“OK. It enraged me, seeing you all over him like that.”
“Why?”
“Because…” He stopped.
“Because you wanted it to be you.”
“I always want it to be me with you, Amara.”
“No, Ry. You wanted it to be you with him.”
He exhaled and shot up off the edge of the bed. “Why…you know, Luke said the same thing the other day. Why does everyone think I’ve got a thing for him?”
“Because you do, Ry.”
“No, I don’t. I…don’t.”
“Ryan?” she asked cautiously.
He paced back and forth.
She continued. “We’re friends, right? Yeah, it’s a little fucked-up right now, but you can be honest with me. I’ve known you’ve had a thing for him for a long time, Ryan.”
“I’m not like, in love with him or anything,” he said quietly. “I don’t know what it is.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with that. At all.”
“Um, there’s a fucking lot wrong with that, Mar.” He continued pacing. “He’s my teammate. I can’t…we can’t. They won’t understand. And I’m not…I mean, I fucking love hooking up with girls, you know that.”
“You don’t have to stick a label on yourself, Ry. Did you know that Mark’s the only guy Nick ever dated? He had a different girl every other week before Mark. And now they’re married.”
“I’m not marrying Hayes.”
She laughed. “I didn’t say you were. But what I’m saying is that maybe you should just talk to him.”
“And say what?”
“You tell me.”
He sat down on the floor in front of her dresser, leaning back against it. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”
“He does.”
“How do you…”
“Trust me, he does. Talk to him. OK?”
Ryan looked at her. “Tomorrow’s road trip should be interesting. And what am I supposed to do about you?”
“What about me?”
“Tell me how to get over you. Every time I think I’m fine, we end up fucking, and I’m right back where I started. I wanna move on from you, Amara. My head knows this is never gonna happen, but my stupid heart is clinging to this hope that it might. Help me. Please.”
“Ry, I’ve been irresponsible with you, and I’m sorry. What happened at UBS should have never happened, and tonight shouldn’t have happened, either. I’m glad you stopped it.”
“It’s not because I wanted to, believe me. I had to.”
“Either way, it shows a lot of growth on your part.”
