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And it was.
They’d ordered way too much junk food, then played a few rounds of Clue, the directions for which had really thrown Hayes for a loop.
“Alright, so I have the pipe. Now what?”
“Dammit!” Jake and Amara yelled at the same time. Then Amara added, “You aren’t supposed to say what you have.”
“OK. This is fuckin’ impossible,” he bitched, as they collected the cards back, shuffled them, and restarted the game for the third time in a row, with Hayes somehow managing to pull off the W at the end of that one.
“Alright. It’s the red bitch in the library with the candlestick.” He checked the envelope and threw his hands up. “Oh, shit. I won! Third time’s a charm, eh?”
He’d spent the last hour or so holding JT before he decided he had to get some sleep, as his flight was at 6:20 a.m.
Amara watched him carefully as he sat on the bed, noticing the change in his body language as he stared off into space. “Ty?” she asked cautiously.
“Hmm?” he replied, lips pressed together and his eyes not moving.
“What’s wrong?”
Almost immediately, he reverted back to that 20-year-old kid whose girlfriend had just cheated on him and broken up with him last year. He collapsed onto her and sobbed, triggering her own tears to fall as she held him in her arms, rocking him gently.
After a few minutes, he pulled away and wiped his face. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Tyler. You know you can be as vulnerable as you want with me. Always. Talk to me. Please.”
He clasped his hands in his lap and leaned forward. “I am scared to death that I’m gonna fuck this up, Mar.”
“Fuck what up?”
“Everything. I’ve…been having thoughts. Cravings, they call ‘em. But like, I wanna get fucked up again. Slam shots, rip lines, pop a few oxys. And I’m scared that I…won’t be strong enough to say no, like, if somethin’ presents itself. You know?”
“That’s a totally normal part of recovery, Ty. You know that. The cravings are always gonna be there. But you? You’re strong enough. If anyone is strong enough, it’s you.”
“I’m so scared for TK. Because I don’t know if he’s strong enough to do this either. We’re both, like, ridin’ this high of finally bein’ sober, of gettin’ back to the ice. And I just…when that’s over, and things return to normal? Or, like, what if I hurt my shoulder again? And Rook. I don’t wanna…” He burst into tears again. “I don’t wanna…let him down and have him…leave me again.”
“Hey? Look at me,” she said, reaching a hand to his face and turning it toward her. “Ryan isn’t going anywhere. There is no one who loves you more than he does, Tyler. He asked you to marry him, for God’s sake. He’s yours. Whether you want him or not, you’re stuck with that pain-in-the-ass man.”
Hayes nodded, wiping his eyes again. “I hope so. Because I’ll fuckin’ die without him. That much I know. Anyway, listen. I meant to ask you how you’ve been feelin’. I know Rook said you were strugglin’ for a bit. Has it, like…gotten better?”
“Yeah. It has. I mean, I fought it for a long time, but I needed to get on something to get my hormones under control. After you give birth, they call it a ‘hormone dump’ and it leads to all kinds of weird thoughts. Postpartum depression. So, I take a small dose each day to just kinda…regulate things.” She shrugged. “Thought I was strong enough to do it on my own. Turns out, I needed help.”
“I feel that.”
“Yeah. But it’s…I’m feeling better now. Thanks for asking.” She leaned over and kissed his head. “You need to get some sleep, OK? You gotta get up early.”
“I’m gonna miss you guys so much. And JT. And Rook. I wish…” He shook his head. “I wish I could just stay here.”
“I do, too. But your life awaits you up there, baby. You’re gonna be a star. Shit, you already are. But you’re gonna go on to do so many other amazing things. And you’re gonna do it on your own, make a name for yourself.”
“I, uh…I’ve already made a name for myself. So has Teek. Have you seen some of the shit they’re sayin’ about us? Mar, it’s…brutal. There’s no other word. We’re scumbags, we’re junkies, we’re fags, Rook can do so much better, they should trade us, kick us outta the league. One dude literally said that Teek should just put a bullet in his head. And he had over 1000 likes. I mean, there’s been a lot of support for us, too. But you know how it goes. For some reason, a few negative words are always louder than a million positive ones. It’s…it sucks.”
“It does. So why don’t you set the record straight?”
“What do you mean?”
“Tell your story, Tyler. Ryan’s telling his.”
“I ain’t writin’ a book, babe.”
