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If earlier, he was fucking me to free his demons, he’s fucking me now to tame them.
It’s at this moment, I decide that I want him, demons and all.
“Oh my god, Lochlan.” I gasp, throwing my head back.
He wrenches it back up, cradling the nape of my neck. “Look at me,” he says fiercely. “You’ll watch as I fuck my baby into you, a réalta.”
His words stoke the fire blazing in my core. The idea of being claimed so brutally, fucked until I can’t breathe, until I’m just a vessel for him to use and take . . . I don’t understand it, but I crave it nonetheless.
“I want your pussy throbbing when I fill you up,” he says in between heavy thrusts. “Stretched and coming on my cock, baby, that’s how I want you.”
I slide one of my hands between my thighs. My fingers glide through my drenched core and circle my clit. I dig my teeth into my lip as the pleasure spikes, the tension so tight, it’s nearly unbearable.
“Loch . . .” My voice is strangled, every muscle, including my throat, tightening as I get closer and closer to my peak. He doesn’t let up, continuing to stroke my inner walls with each punch of his hips. “Oh, fuck—”
“That’s it, baby. Let me fuck you through it.” His throat sounds equally tight and strained as his thrusts become choppy and uneven. “Keep coming for me, Stella Mae. Fuuuck—” He groans loudly as he comes. “Keep milking me just like that. Take it all, take every last drop, pretty girl.”
His cheeks are ruddy and his brows scrunch tightly together as he stills inside me, panting and sweating. His arms shake as he holds himself up like he doesn’t want to impose on me.
“Come here.” I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close. He sighs heavily as his head falls into the crook of my neck, then the rest of his body covers mine. I can feel his stomach expand with every deep breath. I trace my hand lightly up and down his back until we fall asleep, both completely physically and emotionally exhausted.
At some point in the night, I wake up and find myself completely alone.
1. Play “hedonist” by zandros, VIZIER
Chapter 28
Dirty Little Secrets
Lochlan
I wait until Stella falls asleep. 1 I listen for her heartbeat and breathing to grow steady and calm under my ear. I gently roll away with an inexplicable ache in my chest. It pangs as I carefully maneuver her naked body under the covers and brush her warm cheek with the back of my hand.
After slipping on a pair of briefs, I quietly make my way to the patio. The sound of distant waves greets me as soon as I slide the door open. There’s something grounding about their constant presence, night and day. I lean against the railing, inhale the salty air, and wonder why I feel so goddamn hollow.
I fell asleep in the arms of my dream girl, and yet, a hole chiseled in my heart is weeping. The raw edges of it are a nagging pain I can’t shake.
I grab the pack of cigarettes I left out here and light one. The burn as I inhale is a salve compared to this feeling. I take lazy drags and fixate on the swirling, exhaled smoke, watching it join the stars as I try to understand why this sinking pit is pulling me down.
I look over my shoulder at the sound of the door sliding open. Stella’s wearing one of my shirts as she pads barefoot onto the patio. The hem barely covers her, and the few buttons that are done are askew, drawing my eyes to the small valley between her breasts.
“What are you doing out here?” There’s lingering sleepiness in her voice that makes me want to tug her into my chest and hold her tight until she falls back asleep.
She rests her hip against the rail next to me. The words form on my tongue, but I struggle to get them out. She looks so soft and content. I don’t want to ruin it. I swallow down my question and her brows furrow thoughtfully.
She runs her palm down my arm and gives my hand a small squeeze before letting go. “I’ll be right here if you want to share.”
My throat constricts on overwhelming emotions as she goes to sit silently behind me on the outdoor couch. Her presence burns at my back while I finish my cigarette.
I stub out the butt in an ashtray on the table and sit on a couch across from her. I lean forward, elbows on my knees. The weight of sitting upright feels too heavy. She readjusts on the cushion, tucking her legs to the other side and facing me.
She’s ready to listen but she doesn’t say anything. That’s her way. She lets me decide when to start, and I know that if it takes all damn night, she’ll sit out here with me until the sun rises. I know she loves me, which makes what I have to say all the harder because I don’t think it’s the same way I love her.
I feel like fucking Sisyphus trying to get this boulder out of my throat.
“Okay.” My voice feels croaky and worn even though I haven’t even started. “I need to ask you something, and I need you to be brutally honest. Whatever your answer, I promise I won’t be mad. I won’t react like before.”
She swallows with a flicker of regret already in her eyes and nods. Fuck, this is gonna hurt.
