AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Yes, good old Dex. He actually sees me, he knows me and he makes sure I know how bloody amazing I am, because I am. I’m fucking amazing. I’m glad you left, it was time, and we were done and if you hadn’t gone, I would never have met Dex and I bloody well love him. Now go back home to your wife, Carl. Apologize, tell her what a prat you were, and that she’s the best mum and wife ever.”
We stood, silently watching each other, me breathing heavily, having barely taken a breath to let everything out. Finally, Carl nodded and picked up his bag and jacket.
“For what it’s worth,” he said, turning to face me as he reached the door. “I regret what I did to us. I knew I was pushing you all away by working all the time and not getting involved in family life, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it and I’ll always feel ashamed about that. I think when Dex came along, I saw the light in your eyes again, a light that I’d put there once and it hurt that he’d been the one to put it back. I wanted you to think I’d been the better partner and he was just a poor substitute, but…” he paused and scrubbed a hand down his face. “But, I was wrong, he’s the better man, Katie.”
I drew in a breath, my throat suddenly feeling tight as I watched the man I’d loved for over two decades admit that he was partly to blame for our marriage breaking down. I’d always thought it had been totally my fault, I’d not been enough for him, not done enough to save our relationship, but over the last couple of months I’d realized you can’t invest yourself in someone if they don’t want to be invested in.
“He’s a different man, Carl,” I replied. “But he’s the better man for me, just as Sophie is the better woman for you.”
He nodded and quietly left me standing alone in my kitchen, finally feeling free of the burden of blame and knowing I was more than ready to move on. More than ready to start the next chapter of my life with Dex, Savannah, and my kids.
Once I heard the front door close, I went back to the lounge to continue the evening with my family.
“You okay, Mum?” Isaac asked, moving up the sofa to make space for me.
“Yeah, fine. All sorted.” I looked around the room. “Savannah isn’t still pooing is she?”
Isaac exchanged a glance with Annie and then to Charlie, who was lying on the floor gazing up at the film showing on the TV.
“He went,” Isaac said, quietly. “I asked him what was going on, but he just said they needed to go.”
“I don’t understand. Was this after he came down from the bathroom? Was Savannah ill or something?”
Isaac shook his head. “He came to see you and Dad in the kitchen and then came back and said they were leaving. What happened, did he have an argument with Dad or something?”
“No, he didn’t come into the kitchen.”
“He looked a bit like he might be sick,” Annie said, a flash of worry marring her pretty features. “What’s going on, Mum?”
I shook my head and got up from the sofa, pulling my phone out of my jeans’ pocket. “I just need to make a call.”
I left the lounge and called Dex’s number as I went back to the kitchen for some privacy.
“Hey, you’ve reached Dex Michaels, sorry I can’t answer but I’ll call you back. Leave your number.”
His voice sounded bright and chirpy, but I knew with dread that probably wasn’t how he was currently feeling. He must have heard something between Carl and me that upset him, but I couldn’t recall anything that would make him think it’d be better for him to leave. As for him leaving, it wasn’t Dex. Dex was a man who acted on things head on – he wasn’t someone who reacted.
“Hey love, it’s me. I’m just wondering why you went home. I thought…I thought you were staying over. Sorry Carl kind of hijacked our night, but he’s gone and…well, call me back.”
I ended the call, and felt the bile roil in my stomach, because I knew Dex wouldn’t be calling me back.
Dex
The woman from Social Services had been for a home visit and how she didn’t whisk Savannah away with her, I’d never know. One look at the poor kid and you’d think she’d recognize a man out of his fucking depth.
We’d had a bad morning, both me and Savannah. I’d woken up grumpy and she’d started pitchin’ a fit the moment she realized there was none of her favorite breakfast cereal left. The kid loved fucking Weetabix and it was beyond me why – it tasted like what I imagined a cowboy’s sweaty ass crack might taste like after a day in the saddle. Savannah, though, well she thought it was the bomb and screamed the place down when I placed porridge in front of her instead.
Luckily we’d got over that little problem when I shook a few M&Ms into it – shoot me, I was not in the mood. Then it all started again when I got her dressed. Savannah wanted to wear her swim suit, denim shorts and pink gumboots. I wanted her to look like a normal child for when Mrs. Walsh, the Social Worker, came around. After battling for thirty-fucking-minutes, we finally agreed on a pink Unicorn tee with the shorts and gumboots. She also wanted to do her own hair and I just didn’t have the energy to argue, so when she came out of her room with three pigtails, one sticking out from the top of her head, just as I was letting Mrs. Walsh in, I pretty much wanted to lay on the ground and have a temper tantrum of my own.
Thank God the meeting went well and Mrs. Walsh was pleased with the progress that my ‘bright, attentive, strong-willed’ little demon was making and said she’d be back in a couple of weeks.
Now was nap time and Savannah was fighting it with everything she had. I had taken Katie’s advice and pretty much stopped the afternoon nap – Mrs. Walsh had also suggested it was time – but I was so bone tired, I needed some shut eye of my own. So today I was confusing my kid’s routine and making her take a nap.
Listening to Savannah singing and intermitting it with cries of ‘you’re so mean, Daddy’, I laid my head back against the couch and let out a sigh, grateful that she at least never tried to leave her room. I knew that this was just a bad day, and for every one of them there’d be a dozen good ones, but at the moment this bad day was feeling more fucking hateful because of my situation with Katie.
Over the last couple of days she’d called me numerous times and sent at least ten text messages begging me to answer her, but I didn’t have it in me. I didn’t want to hear her lies or excuses. I’d already heard loud and clear what she’d had to say – she didn’t want to help bring up Savannah and she wished her and Carl had never split. Well Savannah and I were a package and I wouldn’t be a fucking second rate substitute for anyone, not even Katie.
As I contemplated everything that had gone on and whether I should call Debbie for a booty call – I realized pretty quickly that was a shitty idea; not fair to Debbie and not what I wanted when I was still so damn hung up on Katie - I could now only hear soft singing from Savannah’s room, and I heaved a sigh of relief. At least I wasn’t mean daddy any longer. I decided to close my eyes for a few minutes. I knew I wouldn’t sleep, since I’d brought Savannah home I was like the old joke about Chuck Norris – I didn’t sleep, I just waited. Any little sound and I was on high alert in case Savannah needed me. Closing my eyes and relaxing for just a little while would have to be enough.
