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They didn’t seem to think I was in a position to refuse them.
Jesus.
I honestly thought they were going to assault me, right then and there, inside their house. After all, I’m not that strong. I can’t push two alphas and two betas off me.
Shaken. To the bone.
“Come on, Sawyer,” Sophie says, startling me. I’d forgotten she was there. “You can talk to me. You don’t have to pretend. Drop the mask.”
But I can’t do that. I shake off the panic and find that I’m clutching the sponge in my hand so hard my knuckles are white. Putting it away, I wipe my hands on the towel hanging on the hook by the sink and avoid her all-knowing gaze.
“I really am fine,” I lie. “I just have to… to make a decision.”
And that’s the truth. What happened last night actually… made the choice easier, didn’t it? Last night’s pack is out of the race. Which leaves… two packs to choose from. Nice packs. Nice guys. One of them had a beta girl who was quite sweet.
Not as sweet as Brinlee.
But Brinlee doesn’t want you anymore.
With good reason.
Pushing her away, even inadvertently, was the best thing that could have happened, I remind myself. You’d have had to do it soon enough. Maybe she won’t hate you forever.
And the McGraw Pack… they haven’t been around.
It shouldn’t hurt like this. I made a choice. I need to keep my café, my business, and the only way is choosing one of the packs my parents selected.
Choosing your career over people, over feelings. Well, Sawyer, never thought you had it in you. Such a stone-cold bastard…
Doesn’t feel that way, though. It feels as though my heart is shattering inside my chest, digging jagged shards into my flesh and bones.
My hands are shaking. I clench them into fists by my sides.
Sophie is still there, perched on a stool, giving me a penetrating look. “You know spacing out isn’t a good sign, right?”
“Huh?”
“When your friends are talking to you.”
I wince. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s not why I’m saying it. Have you tried art to reduce anxiety? Meditation?”
“Sure.” I swallow hard. I don’t tell her I haven’t tried anything recently. I took a pill last night, and another one this morning. Could be why I feel as if I’m moving through fog. There’s a reason I’ve been avoiding those pills.
“No dice with the yoga and meditation, huh?”
“Nope,” I say.
“Listen—”
“I’m good.” I dredge up a smile for her. I can tell from her narrowing eyes that it’s not a convincing performance, but trying to pretend is adding to the stress. It’s a vicious circle. “Why don’t you go and take a seat? I’d better come and take your orders.”
“Sawyer—”
“Please.”
She backs down, giving me a few seconds to catch my breath, do my best to center myself.
