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“Aisha and I are getting engaged.”
“Fuck.” Gabi turned away and started to walk down the street.
There was cheering and clapping, and the clicking of castanets rained down on her in a vicious assault. Her dreams, their dreams, tumbled like a string of dominos, and the ache in her heart that would have had her scream out, “No,” would have taken her to her knees had she let it. She stumbled over the conversation they’d just had about running away, and it stuck in her throat. Her chest was so tight she thought she was going to suffocate.
“Gabriela, wait for me. Gabriela.”
She slowed her pace without looking back.
Nana linked her arm through Gabi’s. “I don’t want to talk about it,” Gabi said.
“Later, cariño. Later.”
Never, Gabi thought.
24.
AISHA HAD NEVER KNOWN a pain in her head this violent or acid that felt as though it blistered her throat. Nicolás’s announcement of their engagement hadn’t been a nightmare. She wished it had, and as the memory carved out its place deeper inside her mind, her heart pumped slower and weaker.
Her mama’s exuberance and the way she had watched Gabi’s reaction to the news had provoked her anger into a quality of rage that Aisha had struggled to suppress to not disgrace her family. The numbing emptiness had rendered her silent for the rest of the evening, the congratulations and celebrations in their honour falling on her deaf ears and crushed heart.
Gabi had disappeared before she’d had the chance to explain. And with everyone’s eyes on her and Nicolás after his proclamation, Aisha hadn’t been able to run to Gabi without causing a massive scene. She hadn’t needed to see Gabi to know how she felt, Aisha felt it too. She had to talk to her.
She sipped at a glass of water, and it tried to come back up. The claustrophobic feeling inside the house was made more overbearing by her mama’s enthusiasm for a second wedding in the spring. Aisha locked eyes with Conchita. Conchita didn’t smile, and Aisha hoped her sister could see the pain in her heart.
“I need some air.” Aisha picked up the basket and headed out the front door and across the field.
The empty basket hung low from her limp arms. She squinted to focus, though the sun cast its light evenly and softly. The feeling in her throat became thicker, and her heartbeat burrowed into it with a slow, thudding rhythm. Her vision blurred. Her eyes grew wet. Tears slipped onto her cheeks as she walked towards the feed shed where she and Gabi had enjoyed each other. If she could turn back time, she should have run away last night before this cruel trick had been played out, but Gabi had been right about her not being ready to leave her family. The agony of real love and thinking she might not be able to hold onto it was much worse than when she’d just dreamed of love.
She pulled the carrots from the ground and put them in the basket, and three lettuce and half a dozen tomatoes.
“Aisha. Aisha.”
His voice, an unwelcome intrusion, numbed her. She walked towards the green beans, and he called her name again. “Leave me alone.”
He approached from behind and swept the basket from her. He took her hand and twirled her around. “You look radiant. I need to get you an engagement ring that sparkles as brightly as your eyes.”
She pulled free of his hand. Her head spun, and nausea thrust its way up from her stomach. She snatched the basket from him. She would rather pick onions than listen to his infuriating rapture. The vegetable refused to budge from the soil, and she cursed it silently, cursed herself for being weak, knowing he hovered behind her waiting for her to fail so he could rescue her.
He tugged at the stem effortlessly and scooped it from the ground, knocked the soil from it, and threw it into the basket. “Sit with me for a while, under the tree,” he said.
“I have work to do.”
“Your mama said you have time.”
Aisha clenched her teeth and glared towards the house. Her mama waved from the doorway, deepening the veil of disgust that Aisha wore to protect her heart from their rejection. She turned away and sat under the tree. Sitting a while would give her time for her head and stomach to settle, and as soon as he’d said his piece, perhaps he would leave her alone. Nicolás pressed his thigh against hers, and the scent of him clawed in her throat. She shifted a couple of inches away. He moved with her.
“We should make plans,” he said.
“I’m not ready to make plans.”
He crouched in front of her and held her hand. “Let’s talk about where we will live.”
She pulled her hand free and picked at the soil.
“There is a place for sale up the hill. It is small, but I have enough money saved for a deposit. It’s not too far from your parents. We will settle well there.”
Aisha squeezed a lump of dry earth and crumbled it to grains, though not as fine as the warm sand that had slipped through her fingers at the beach. The memory of the day taunted her with its promises, and she let the coarse grains slide from her palm. She looked towards the house, the fields they worked in, and the hills where he spoke of buying a home for them and for their family. He fidgeted at her side, rubbed his hands together, and sighed heavily, failing to hide his impatience with her indifference. Had she really thought she could run away with Gabi? “I don’t want to live there.”
