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“No.”
“Jesus, now I don’t know if it’s stubbornness or just plain stupidity, or an unfortunate combination of both. Either way, it’s your funeral—possibly your actual literal funeral. But as my Dad always says, ‘you can take a donkey to water, but when you get there, it will still be a jackass.’”
“That’s not how—”
“I know, but it’s still true, mixed metaphors or not. And you’re definitely being a jackass right now.”
“Bite me.”
“You’d better be careful what you wish for. If I bit you right now, I could do some real damage, considering the condition you’re in.”
I smiled again, handing her back the empty glass, having taken the pills. She was right about one thing—I was exhausted and could feel the pull of gravity dragging my eyelids closed.
“I couldn’t help but notice that you’re prepared for some kind of nuclear apocalypse where there’s nothing to do but have sex. You have enough condoms to open your own drugstore. I can’t work out if it’s a case of wishful thinking, or being a good boy scout—always prepared.”
“I don’t make wishes.”
“Noted.”
* * *
I woke with a start, taking a few moments to work out where I was, and what the hell was going on. My brain caught up with the screaming pain in my body, and it all came rushing back to me. As my eyes fluttered open, I also tried to move experimentally. Holy shit! That was a mistake.
“I wouldn’t be trying to run any marathons right now if I were you.”
It took me another few moments to work out that Kik was still there. Meaning she’d hung around while I slept.
It was good advice. The pain meds had clearly worn off, and I felt worse than I had when I’d fallen asleep, which must have been quite a few hours earlier. The darkened sky outside confirmed my hunch.
“Hey.” My ability to speak seemed to be the one thing to have improved, rather than deteriorate while I slept.
“Hey yourself. How are you feeling, or is that a stupid question? You look like you’ve been hit by a truck. I’m guessing you feel pretty similar?”
“Several trucks. But yeah, I’ve felt better.”
“I’m sure. You hungry? I was, and I figured you would be, so I ordered in. I don’t know what you like, or what you’d be into eating, so I took a chance and grabbed a few different things. It’ll be cold by now, but most of it will reheat okay.”
“Shit, I slept through all that?”
“Yep.”
Wow. I must have been out cold.
Jesus. Exactly how long had I been out? I reached for my phone on the floor beside the couch to check out the time. “Holy shit. I have like a billion missed calls.”
“Oh, yeah, about that. I took the liberty of switching the ringer off. I thought you needed rest more than you needed to strain your voice to explain what had happened. Besides I figured Grizzly and Rocky could fill Xavier and the rest in.”
“Bear.” I couldn’t help but chuckle a little, painful though it was. I felt like Bear was about to get a new nickname.
“Yeah, him.”
She was right, it still hurt to talk—actually, it hurt to do everything—but it would have been worse if I hadn’t had the few hours’ sleep I had.
“You didn’t have to do all that.” I wished I didn’t sound like I was on my deathbed.
“I know.”
“Thank you.”
