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Emily
The Majestic Crab Innis anything but majestic. I look around the room, at the drab comforter, the water-stained ceiling tiles, and I want to cry.
But I’m keeping it together. I dump my bag on the floor and sit down on the bed. It’s hard, springy, and I don’t want to imagine what people have been doing on this bed. It’s a far cry from Henry’s beautiful, modern mansion, but I don’t deserve that anymore.
I don’t know why I’m here. The Majestic Crab is about fifteen minutes down the road from Henry’s place, and I can still smell the salt air and feel ocean damp in everything. I should be driving back to my parents’ house, and I should try and stay at a hotel near there so that I can move right back home as soon as I can.
Instead, Aiden convinced me to come here. “Just go,” he said to me. “I’ll cover the room for you. I just want everyone to talk one more time, okay?”
I shook my head at him. He leaned up against the doorjamb, looking into my room as I packed.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not sure it’ll help.”
“Please, just go.” He hesitated, unsure of himself, before walking closer to me. “You don’t want this all to end, do you?”
“I don’t know,” I said to him at the time, and I meant it.
That looked like it hurt him, but he quickly got himself together. “Just go,” he said. “Please.”
I sighed, agreed, and he left me alone.
That’s how I’m here now. I know it’s a mistake, but I can’t help myself, not when it comes to them. I guess I figure I should hear what he has to say, what all of them have to say, before deciding anything.
I’m afraid though. The magic of what we all have feels like maybe it was contingent on being in that house, in that environment. Now that we’re outside of that house, in this drab little dumpy seaside motel, I’m afraid the magic will be tainted, broken somehow.
My phone buzzes. I grab it from my bag and check the message. “We’re here,” it says, a text from Aiden.
I sigh again. I check myself in the foggy mirror, unhappy with how I look, unhappy with everything that I feel right now.
I don’t feel worthy of meeting with them. The thought strikes me hard, and I almost turn away. I don’t feel like I can go and talk to these guys after what happened, even though a large part of me wants to.
Because of course I don’t want to let go of what we had. The idea of losing that kills me, but the thought of trying to keep it going scares me just as much. Out in the dirty light of the day, I think they’re going to see me for what I am, and I can’t stand the thought.
I take a breath and check my phone again. “Room 118,” it says.
I steady myself, fix my hair, and leave the room. I’m going to do this, no matter what. I’m not a coward. I don’t have to run.
I find room 118 and stand outside of it for a second before knocking. I try and shut off my brain, try and let myself drift in and through this moment. I can do this, I just have to learn how to not feel. I pretend that I’m a Buddhist monk, experiencing the world with complete detachment.
Aiden opens the door, and that detachment goes away almost instantly.
He smiles at me. “Glad you came.”
“Are they all here?” I ask him.
He nods. “Come in.”
He leads me into the room. It’s identical to my own, which surprises me, although it shouldn’t. I figured Aiden would get a fancy room for himself, but why would I assume that? This motel probably doesn’t have any fancy rooms.
It’s like a Renaissance painting in that room. Light streams in through the gauzy curtains. Carter sits on the bed, head in his hands, Ryan next to him, leaning back. Daniel leans against the far wall, flipping his knife again, and James has the TV’s remote in his hands, trying to get the thing to turn on. They all look up when we step into the room, and James tosses the remote onto the bed.
“Hi, guys,” I say, feeling awkward, which is so strange. Just a few hours ago, these guys all made me feel so incredibly comfortable, but now it’s all tainted, all broken.
But they all smile. James comes up to me and hugs me tight. “It’ll be okay,” he says softly in my ear.
One by one, they come up and hug me. I can’t believe it. I didn’t expect this, honestly, I expected them to be angry. Like I’m the homewrecker that came into their friend group and tore it to pieces. Instead, they all seem genuinely sorry about what happened, like it’s their fault instead of mine.
Aiden hugs me last. “Has anyone talked to Henry yet?” he asks finally.
