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I can’t let my face give away how I’m feeling, so I keep it neutral. Telling him about my limitations in magic isn't an option; they’ll really get rid of me then. I promised not to lie though, so I push away the anger building at my mother for setting me up for failure and decide to be as honest as I can be.
“It’s just complicated. This kind of mystery has never been my responsibility until now. Imagine if you were suddenly responsible for making bread for the castle. You have the ability to do it. You’ve had bread a thousand times before. But do you really think you could make it?”
He looks a little surprised, like maybe he’s starting to understand what the problem is.
“Besides, I don’t want to say it’s one thing and be wrong. All of you are depending on me.” Then I release a slow breath. “Plus, it might not even be magic. I know you all are so sure it is, but I haven’t seen any evidence to be sure of that.”
That was not the right thing to say. His eyebrows look like they’re going to fly off his face. “It might not be magic? I don’t understand.” He studies me.
“It could be magic,” I add, realizing they might get rid of me now if they don’t think magic’s involved. “I just need to keep digging. When I was feeling for magic inside of King Talon, I wasn’t sure. I could feel something inside of him making him sick, but it didn’t feel, without a doubt, like magic.”
Rinan still stares at me, saying nothing.
There’s so much pressure. So many responsibilities. And no love in return. They’re like my mom.
“These things take time,” I say, then lay down, turning away from him.
I can’t take his eyes on me anymore. His distrust – all of their distrust – wears on me. He really thinks I would come in and deceive them all with an elaborate trick. All… for what?
“Okay,” he says.
Silence stretches between us.
“You know I want to believe you, right?”
“But you don’t,” I say.
He doesn’t reply, so I take that as his acceptance of my answer.
For a long time, I lay in bed listening to Rinan breathing and the crackling of the fire, feeling alone, so terribly alone. I don’t know why this is any different. I was alone back home. There’s just this… connection between the princes and I that make me want to be close to them. But maybe I’m the only one feeling it?
The idea turns my stomach. I feel pathetic. Like I’m trying to make friends with the other witch girls all over again. Except I’m older, I’m wiser, and I should know by now that I can’t make anyone love me. Hell, I can’t make anyone like me.
It’s not long before Prince Rinan’s breaths are slow and steady, indicating he’s asleep. It eases some of the tension inside of me, except I still can’t sleep. His questions keep playing in my mind, as do all the interactions between the princes and me. They’ve been cold and unkind, and downright cruel towards me in one way or another. They haven’t taken me in as a wife. I see now they’ve taken me as someone on assignment. I’m here for one purpose only: to solve this curse and save their entire pack.
Which… hurts.
It’s strange to treat someone with disdain yet expect them to care about saving you and your people. Strange, and sad.
The room grows colder as the fire dies down, and I pull the covers tighter around me. Rinan’s breath continues its soft, steady rhythm, and I envy his ability to find peace in this chaos. But then he’s not the one who will suffer the consequences of not finding this cure…at least not immediately.
I thought this was my new home. A place to start over. Maybe it’s not.
As the night stretches on, my thoughts race, circling back to the bear attack, the suspicion and fear in Rinan’s eyes, and the impossible task of finding the cure. I make a silent promise to myself that no matter what, I will find a way to run – cure or no cure. The thought of running away into the unknown is terrifying, but the alternative is more dire.
I cannot continue to live in a place where they treat me the way my mother did. And I won’t live in a place where they care so little about me that my life could be forfeit because of my inability to perform magic. I deserve better than that.
Maybe I always did.
Prince Rinan’s arm suddenly falls around my waist, and he pulls me tightly against his body. He sighs into my hair, and the rumbling of his breathing seems to move through my body. As upset as I am, as scared as I am, his touch brings me comfort, even if I hate myself a little for it.
My eyes flutter shut. With his warm body around me, I finally sleep.
THIRTEEN
Tara
There’s heavy warmth all over me when I wake up. I open my eyes and realize Prince Rinan is snuggled all over me. His legs are wrapped around mine, and his arms are holding me firmly against his body. These men sleep like they like me and switch on their dislike when they wake up.
