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He wrapped one hand around the back of her head. “Baby, that wasn’t meant to make you cry.”
“Happy tears.”
He scoffed. “Happy tears? Such bullshit.”
“Daddy!”
“What? They are. How is a man meant to know what is going on when there are happy tears, sad tears, angry tears, and tears from pain. It’s confusing.”
“Sorry, Daddy. I forgot you were just a simple fellow who struggles to understand the nuances of tears.”
“I think I’ve unleashed a sassy brat.”
Faith tried to calm herself as she thought about what she needed to say. Leaning back, she looked up at him. The light shining out the front windows meant she could see him pretty clearly. “I do have problems trusting my decisions ever since everything went bad with the business. But I . . . that doesn’t mean I don’t like when you take charge. I like that you make the smaller decisions. It makes me feel cared for. Seen. I don’t know if that is silly . . .”
“It can’t be silly if it’s what you need. Understand? I will never ignore your needs. But sometimes I might not know you need it if you don’t tell me.”
She gasped in fake-shock. “So you’re saying you want to communicate? But I thought you could read minds.”
“Brat,” he grumbled. “Yes, I’m saying that I’ll try to communicate better if you do as well. I’m good at reading people. However, you’re good at locking things down that you don’t want people to see. How many times have you stopped yourself from telling me to take a flying leap at work?”
“Too many to count,” she replied dryly.
“If you like having me take over, then I am more than happy to do that. But I won’t do it if it’s affecting your mental health. If it’s making you think I don’t believe in you or your ability to make decisions. I don’t want control because I think you’re incompetent. You’re strong and smart and beautiful. I want you to always feel that way. Never belittled or ignored or less. Hear me? Never, ever, less.”
She basically threw herself at him, the blanket slipping off her to land on the porch. She’d pick it up soon. Right now, she needed him to hold her.
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt more seen than when I’m with you, Daddy. Or protected. Or cared for. Yeah, you can be overwhelming at times, but I know that deep down, you’ll listen to me if it’s important.”
“I want to say yes . . .” he trailed off.
She slapped his shoulder.
“It would be all too easy to lose myself in you, though. To let you take over completely so that I never have to make another decision . . . and maybe that’s not the best thing for me.”
He was silent as he let her speak her thoughts out loud.
“When I’m in Little space, you’re in charge.”
“Yes.”
“But when I’m Big, I can give you control of some things, like when I orgasm.” The last part was whispered.
She felt his chest move and wondered if he was holding in his laughter.
“Yes.”
“But some things I need to decide for myself. Or . . . or at least talk them through with you?”
“That would be best. I need to know what is going on with you, even if you just need a sounding board. No secrets. No lies. No holding back.”
She hugged him tight. “I want to talk things out with you as long as you let me do that without trying to take over completely.”
“I will try.”
That was the best she could really hope for. And she knew that he meant what he said. He’d try. Maybe he wouldn’t always succeed. But wasn’t that what she did every day?
She tried.
