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“Could have fooled me. If I knew where we were headed, I’d offer to walk in front of you. Keep you at a gentle stroll the whole way.”
He gives me one of those genuinely devastating smiles, like he thinks I’m the most amusing person in the world. “Believe me, I would love to follow behind you.” A flash of something in his eyes causes my butterflies to riot. “But there’s no real map, so I guess I’m the leader.” He focuses a searching gaze on me. “But, seriously, tell me to slow down or stop at any time. You’d probably be doing me a favor.”
My skin tingles as I take in his flushed face and crinkling green eyes. The sight of him is too much to deal with. I need more vigorous walking to calm down my clamoring hormones, which are currently demanding I shove him up against a tree and make out with his enticing mouth.
Where’s a spin bike when you need one?
“Will do, oh fearless leader!” I mask my horniness with enthusiastic comments. “We must forge ahead. I want to see this glorious place of wonder!”
Before we left this morning, Ben claimed our hike would result in a beautiful view, making the two-hour trek there worth it.
“You won’t be disappointed.” Before moving on, Ben takes another sip from his water bottle. The markings on the side let him know how much he’s consumed and how much more he can drink today.
As we continue moving, I consider how his life will change once the donation is complete. First off, no more dialysis. I’m giddy at the thought, but I realize I’m going to miss reading together.
Is that something friends can still do?
Although, maybe after both donations are complete … I could ask him about being more than friends then. We won’t owe each other anything at that point.
I bring up a mental calendar in my mind, wishing I had my physical one with me. Mapping out the upcoming weeks, I figure out the best time to bring the subject up.
The transplant will likely happen during our winter break, so obviously not before then. Then, there’s recovery time, which will be longer for Ben than for me, so that gets us into mid- to late-February. After that, I’ll get the chance to see if he still wants to spend time together as regular friends rather than as donor and recipient. And I could ramp up my flirting and observe how he responds. So, another month for that.
I envision flipping through my calendar. Looks like spring is when I should aim for.
When I get back to my apartment, I’ll pull out my planner and pick an exact date.
With a plan in place, a swell of hope makes my chest lighter. I can suffer now, pine after him in silence, but it won’t hurt so much, knowing that maybe, one day, there’ll be a chance that something could happen. I don’t like waiting, but for a shot with Ben, I’ll sit on my hands and bite my tongue.
Like he knows I’m thinking about him, Ben glances back at me with a questioning brow raise.
Not ready to talk, I simply form my mittened hands into two thumbs-up and pair them with a cheerful smile. He grins and focuses forward again.
Yeah, Ben is worth the wait.
BEN
Tonight is the night.
I watch as Holly sidles up to the cliff’s edge, and my heart rate increases. I want to snatch her back from the danger, but instead, I just keep close. Making sure I’m in grabbing distance.
When we broke out from the cover of the forest, her expression was worth every panting breath it had taken to get here. Trees spread in a russet blanket beneath us, and we can see for miles from our vantage point. But this view didn’t come without a cost.
I ache in a way I never did before my kidney failure. When I came here with Grandpa Ben, we’d cross the distance in half the time it took today. Part of me wants to use Holly as the excuse for our slow pace. But, really, it was me.
When I look in the mirror now, I’m less than I was before. Literally. My body has less mass, less muscle. I try to keep in shape, but I’m restricted in what I can do. The strength I used to have is gone. In the past, I could hike for eight hours with only a quick break for lunch. Now, we’ve walked for two, and I know I’m going to need to sit here for a while before we head back.
“This is gorgeous, Ben. Can we eat lunch here?”
I nod, having trouble forming words when she turns her vibrant smile on me.
There’s a flat rock, like a naturally formed tabletop, and the two of us perch on it while I pull the food out of my bag.
“What feast have you brought for me?” She rubs her hands together, and I laugh at her silliness.
“Well, princess, we’ve only the finest selections for your refined palate.”
“Oh, do tell.”
