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And there’s that adorable grin that makes me want to melt into the floor or jump his bones. He follows me inside, shutting the door behind him.
“So, we’ve got Terra’s bedroom on your right, the bathroom on your left, and the tiniest sitting area you’ve ever encountered straight ahead, and the kitchen is around the corner here.” I lead the way, stopping at the stove because there is literally nowhere farther to go. Tour done. Wow, less than twenty seconds. I think that’s a record.
“And where’s your room?” The tone he uses when asking heats my blood and therefore my face. It’s almost like he has plans for my room.
“Just gotta look up.” I indicate the space above the bathroom where we can see short railings. I lean around the corner and point out the ladder that the front door hid when he came in. “I live above everything.” I affect a haughty voice for this statement, covering my awkwardness with jokes.
“Well, this I need to see.”
I praise the universe I made my bed as Ben grabs hold of the ladder and climbs his way up into my semi-private space. The idea of Ben in my sanctum is too tempting to miss, so I follow right after him.
At five-three, I can stand up with an inch or so above me when I’m in my room. Ben, on the other hand, clocking in at just under six feet, now hunches with the posture of Igor. I cover my mouth but not before a snort escapes. Ben smiles and plops down on my bed, so he can actually straighten his neck. Fortunately, he didn’t knock down any of my glow-in-the-dark stars while pressed up against my ceiling.
“Nice space you got here.”
To give a semblance of walls, I hung colorful thrift-shop scarves from the ceiling, draping them over one side of the railings. Unfortunately, because I don’t have a closet, I had to install a rack along one wall to hang up my dresses and whatnot. That area is covered by a dusky-red shawl acting as a curtain. I basically look like I live in an Arabian tent.
“A bit different than I imagined though.”
I raise an eyebrow. “You’ve been imagining my bedroom?”
His grin only grows. “Maybe.”
“And what did you imagine?” This might be dangerous.
He shrugs. “Something orderly. Every bit of it organized. Not something so …” He waves his hand, and I hold my breath while he searches for the right word. “Sensual.”
I know I look shocked.
For the first time, I consider how this space might appear sensual. The fact that a bed takes up most of the room is probably a big part of it. The color scheme is all ruby and plum, matching Ben’s current outfit. Making it seem like he belongs in this space.
It would be so easy to sink down next to him on the mattress—or better yet, straddle his lap. He could hold me against him as we explored each other, eventually lying back with me on top of him.
Sometimes, while lying in my bed, I’ve imagined being with Ben. And, a time or two, I might have brought myself to the finish line with those thoughts. But none of those fantasies were actually set here; they were just vague images my mind created of lips and hands and skin and pleasure.
This is real and potent.
“What are you thinking about?” Ben’s question pulls me out of my fog.
Apparently, I’ve been staring at him again.
He stares at me with searching eyes, so I blurt out the first answer that comes to mind, “I’ve never had a guy up here before.” At least, this isn’t the dirtiest aspect of what was playing in my head.
Ben appears both surprised and pleased. “Really? None of your booty calls made the cut?”
“Nope.”
I never liked the idea of Roderick in my space. What if he didn’t want to leave when we were done? So, we stuck to his apartment.
I realize I haven’t thought about my hook-up buddy in weeks, and I probably wouldn’t have today if it wasn’t for Ben bringing him up. Guess that makes it super clear that my decision to end things was the right way to go.
After spending all this time with Ben, I’m coming to realize that, when you want to make space in your life for someone, it’s not that hard. And I’m thinking a hook-up isn’t what I need anymore.
Things shouldn’t go beyond friendship between the two of us. But maybe I should be open to a relationship with someone. Someone who makes me feel safe and comfortable yet also aroused, like Ben does.
I think I’m ready for more.
Trouble is, Ben’s the one in my bed when I come to this realization.
