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Kira breaks their intense gaze first, a smile spreading across her face as she looks at Brandon. He mirrors her expression, with the same curling lips and dimpled cheeks. "Hey there, cutie." He turns to me. "Would it be alright if I held her?"
"Of course," I reply.
His fingers gently rub against Kira's and she lets out a joyful laugh. She usually shies away from strangers. It took more than three meetings for her to get used to Gianna, but she’s so easy with Mrs. Jackson, Alessa, and Brandon.
He can't stop gushing about how adorable Kira is. Her tiny nose and bright eyes are enough to make anyone smile. I want to mention that she takes after her father, but I bite my tongue. That would only invite questions about Kira, and I'm not ready for that yet. "Brandon, I appreciate you getting along with Kira, but it's really hot out and I'm exhausted."
He quickly offers to help me with the larger bag containing Kira's supplies. My body tenses as our fingers briefly touch. "I can take that Kira too if you want," he offers eagerly.
I would definitely mind if it were another man, but Brandon is her father, despite not knowing it. I can’t bring myself to deny him spending a little time with her. “I don’t.”
I spend a few moments adjusting the straps of Kira's carrier around Brandon, and then we make our way to the vet clinic. Brandon is too preoccupied with playing peekaboo with Kira to talk to me. They are simply adorable together, and I wish I could capture this moment in a photograph to look at whenever I wanted. Maybe I could even frame it and place it on my nightstand as a cherished memory.
When we arrive at the vet clinic, it is eerily quiet. Mr. White is not there today, leaving only myself, Brandon, and Kira in the building. Kira has already fallen asleep as I carry her into Mr. White's office. Returning to the reception area, I find Brandon still waiting.
"Thank you for your help today," I say awkwardly.
He simply nods in response. The silence that follows is heavy with tension that can be felt in the air between us.
“About last night…” we both begin to say at the same time.
He grins, his perfect set of white teeth flashing. “Ladies first.”
Ladies first be damned. “No, go first.”
He shoves his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “Do you want to talk about last night?”
I feel the embarrassment coat my skin like ice. I don’t want to talk about it, but at the same time, I want to know what he’s thinking and why he turned me down. “Last night was a mistake. I should never have tried to kiss you.”
“I concur,” he responds. “Last night was a mistake, but not because you attempted to kiss me.” I take a seat two chairs away from him. “Why? Did you not enjoy spending time with me?” “It's not that, Anya. It pains me that I didn't kiss you when I desperately wanted to.” His words catch me off guard.
I widen my eyes, then squint inquisitively. “What do you mean?”
“I left two years ago because I had to, but there hasn’t been a single day when I didn’t miss you.”
My mouth opens and closes back up. My chest flutters, and it’s making me nauseous. I feel like he doesn’t know what he is saying. No way Brandon still likes me.
I still like him, that’s a fact. But I’ve always felt it’s because I still have something to remind me of him—Kira.
As much as I want to throw myself at him and hug him to make up for how much I missed him all this time, I don’t. I can’t open up myself like that until I know what he is thinking and what he really wants.
My top priority is finding the right moment and method to tell him about Kira and her true paternity. I don't want any lingering feelings between us to be based on a lie. Plus, he might discover the truth sooner than later, especially now that he has occasional interactions with Kira.
“Does that mean you’re still into me like you were before your deployment?”
He gazes at me with a gentle nod. "Surprisingly, nothing has changed for me. I had planned on searching for you when I returned, but my own personal issues took over and I couldn't bring myself to find you until I felt worthy.”
“Brandon, I don’t know what to make of all this.” My throat tightens with emotion, and no matter how many times I swallow, the lump doesn’t go away. “Things have changed for me now that I’m a mother.”
“Since we’re on the topic of motherhood, are you going to reveal who the father is?” He shifts his gaze down to my hands. “You’re not married, so either you chose to be a single parent or the person who got you pregnant bailed. Which one is it? The former seems less likely.”
“You’re right. I didn’t choose to be a single parent, but you wouldn’t understand even if I tried to explain.”
“Try me.”
With a deep breath, I close my eyes and steel myself to tell him the truth. My heart thunders against my ribcage, its rapid beats a testament to my anxiety. Fear and doubt wash over me like a tidal wave, threatening to drown out any sense of logic or bravery. I am terrified that revealing the truth will change everything between us, and doubtful that he will want to take on the role of father to Kira.
Despite what I have observed so far, Brandon is still just a man. While he may not be the type to escape his responsibilities, there is always a chance that he may falter in the face of such unexpected news. His reactions are unpredictable, and I find myself unsure of how he will respond. But instead of contemplating further, I make a decision: I will test him first before revealing the truth. That way, I can gauge his true intentions and decide the best way to break the news to him. It's a risky move, but at this point, it's the only option I have left.
