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He finally closes his mouth, and thinks for a while before he asks, “Does Spencer know about this?”
“Hell no. He’ll be mad if he does.” I swallow hard. “And it’s of no use telling him or anyone else. Anya and I can never have a relationship like that again, even if my brother wasn’t in the picture.”
Joe shifts his weight on one leg, and he looks at me intently. “Why would you say that?”
“I don’t deserve her love. I’m a coward, and I don’t even deserve to be happy.”
His eyes narrow suspiciously this time. “What on earth happened on that mission? You’ve been off since you got back.”
I push away the memories, refusing to bring them to the forefront of my mind. The bloodshed, the explosions, the sound of gunfire - I try not to remember any of it. But it's hard not to think about Nathan, and how he was dying in front of me while I stood there, helpless. The last I heard, he had been discharged from the hospital but now relies on a wheelchair. He's undergoing therapy to walk again, but I can't bring myself to visit him. I know he probably resents me for not being able to save him.
"My friend and brother almost died because of me," I say bitterly.
"It wasn't your fault," Joe intervenes with a hushed voice. "You were in shock."
"I bet he thinks differently," I scoff, trying to hold back tears. "Let's just not talk about it right now."
Joe nods in understanding. "Okay, but I'm here for you whenever you need."
I doubt I will ever want to revisit those memories, but I keep that to myself.
That mission and all its events are a nightmare that I never want to experience again. Even mentioning it brings me back to the darkness of those memories.
As we collect wood and load it onto my truck, we drive to the community center where some of the residents have already gathered to set up for the event. They're busy decorating and arranging chairs.
“Sweetheart Brandon!”
I twist my head to the source of the voice and find Mariana walking in my direction. She’s in her seventies and suffers from dementia; sometimes she thinks I’m her late husband, other times she thinks I’m just a handsome guy she would like her daughter to meet. She doesn’t have a daughter, but she thinks she does.
Mariana's smile is so radiant that I can tell she believes I am her husband.
In response, I return a warm smile to her.
She walks towards me with joyful recognition shining in her eyes, though it only exists in her own mind. "Darling, you've finally come," she says, placing a gentle hand on my cheek as if I were the husband she had lost long ago.
I'm taken aback, but I decide to play along, knowing how comforting it must be for Mariana to believe I'm her husband. “I'm here, Mariana,” I reply softly, taking her hand in mine. “How are you feeling today?”
Her smile widens, her face glowing with joy. “Oh, I'm just wonderful now that you're here,” she says, her voice filled with affection. “I’ve missed you.”
My chest squeezes with sadness. I haven’t seen Mariana since I returned to Meadowvale. I’d missed everything in this small town for two whole years. I’m just glad to be back, away from the horrors I faced. “I missed you too, darling.”
Mariana's gaze suddenly shifts, and she focuses on someone behind me. "And who might this beautiful young lady be?" Her tone is inquisitive yet friendly.
I turn to see Anya walking towards us with a mischievous gleam in her eye.
I can't help but wonder why she's here so early. She's only been in this small town for a week, yet she already seems to know other women. Knowing her bubbly nature, I shouldn't be surprised at all.
Anya steps forward, her demeanor bright and warm as she stands next to Mariana, looping her arm through hers. “I have been looking for you. I am Anya, remember?”
Mariana's face lights up even more at the sight of Anya. “Oh, my dear Anya, you’ve been looking for me?” She cups her face, shocked for some reason. “You’re beautiful. You must be my daughter.”
Anya laughs softly, playing along with Mariana's perception of her. “Thank you, Mariana, you’re beautiful too. I think I got the good genes from you,” she says warmly.
I observe Mariana and Anya interacting with a blend of amusement and awe. Anya is a natural at caring for others, and her energy and positivity are contagious. I have to stop myself from smiling as I watch them.
“Sorry, I was supposed to take care of her but she slipped away somehow,” Anya says, grinning at me.
It hurts to see how beautiful she is. It’s impossible for me to take my eyes off her when my heart is skipping a beat each second I spend around her.
