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It was his heartbeat that gave him away. It was wild and erratic, and I knew. Well, if I can knock him off kilter with crocodile tears, there’s no telling what I can achieve when I’m really upset. “Alyssa!” Why the hell did that sound like an admonishment? “You wouldn’t happen to be playing me, would you?” This son of a bitch.
“I am not!” I wiped my eyes and glared up at him. These tears have served me well all my life, and I’ll be damned if some trust fund baby with more money than sense was going to put an end to my reign. He put his arm around my neck and kissed my head again.
“Whether you are or not, you don’t need tears to control me. I’ll always do what’s best for you.” I so want to believe that, but what do I look like falling for this shit? I’m sure Mom thought the same when she married Dad.
“I know you have trauma from your parents’ divorce. Something you should know about my family; we mate for life. We see betrayal of any kind as beneath us because only the weak partake in such behavior. The fact that I was with someone for eight years and didn’t once ask her to marry me, and neither did I cheat in the relationship, should tell you something about how I feel about you.”
“And how is that?” I actually held my breath, only now realizing how important his answer was. I didn’t want it to matter. I’d made up my mind to treat this whole thing like a business transaction, even when little things about him were getting to me in ways I’d never allowed.
“Are you asking me how I feel about you, little Alyssa? Words are easy, I’d rather show you. But I will give you this. The moment I saw you walking towards me in that meeting, my dick got hard, and my heart almost flew out of my chest. I’ve been attracted physically before, but not once have I ever felt my heart respond that way to anyone before. And just so you know, had your ex not screwed up, I would’ve found a way to take you away from him. Because there’s no way that you don’t belong to me.”
ALYSSA
He’s very smooth and seems to know all the right things to say, even if they’re things I didn’t know I needed or wanted to hear. I’m not a romantic, never have been, I have no use for it. But I have to admit that his words have an odd effect on my senses. If only I could believe them without the fear that if I did, he’d someday have the power to break my heart.
“Don’t think so hard. All you need to do is not hold me responsible for the things done by others. Judge me only according to my own deeds. Can you do that?” I could only nod against his chest, and the way he wrapped his arms tighter around me, I was sure he knew how terrified I was.
It was becoming so real, too real, and I was having a hard time keeping my feelings separated when he said things like that. We hadn’t even exchanged vows yet, and he was already sucking me in. I wanted to run away, but there was a whole ocean between me and land. I think he may have done this on purpose.
“Breathe, little Alyssa. How about this: every year on our anniversary, you can decide if you want to stay or go, that way you’re only on a yearly contract. If, say, at year five, you’ve decided you want out, you may leave. Even year two or three. I’ll have the papers drawn up for us to sign, but and here's the kicker: you have to tell me if there’s something wrong, something you need that I’m not providing, and give me the chance to fix it before you just up and leave.”
That somehow eased my panic. Yes, that sounds better, a year-to-year thing instead of a lifetime. I don’t know why that made me feel less stressed. “Well? How does that sound?” I was too choked up to answer, so I wrapped my arms around him and let that be enough.
I didn’t realize until he sighed and exhaled that he, too, had been holding his breath. Why the heck was he….? Oh! He’s just as nervous as I am. Can it be? There’s no way. But when I moved my ear over his chest to where I could hear his heartbeat, I heard it. That same wild, out-of-control pounding that somehow soothed me.
“Are you okay now? We’re being very poor hosts; we should get back to the others before they start to worry.” I could’ve stayed in his arms for a few moments more, but whatever. “On second thought, let’s stay here like this until you’re ready to let go.”
I can get used to this, having someone cater to me without having to be told, but I dare not let it go on for too long, or it’ll be hell when our inevitable first fight happens. I’m not dumb enough to think our life together is always going to be this easy or that the day won’t come when he gets sick of me, but he keeps knocking me off kilter with her easygoing attitude and willingness to let me have my way.
“I don’t think you should pretend to be so willing to always give me what I want. I might get used to it and expect it all the time.”
“There’s a few things I can say to that. One, I’m older than you are; two, I don’t have the same trauma that you do; three, I’m head over heels in love with you, so therefore, I’ll be the one doing the heavy lifting for now.”
“Once you are no longer burdened by the scars in your heart and realize that there’s no need to fear me, I’ll expect you to pull your weight in the love department.”
“You’re so sure that I can love?”
“Positive, and when you do, sweet Alyssa, it’s going to be spectacular. And I want to be the one who’s there for it.” He did that kiss on the top of my head thing again, and I smiled. I think that was the first genuine smile I’ve shared with someone other than my brothers or Mom. It felt good.
GARRETT
She’s terrified of life and doesn’t even know it. I could kick her father’s ass, but she’s already done that, and besides, that’s no way to start our relationship off. She’s not the first victim of childhood divorce that I’ve met, obviously, but she’s the first whose scars were so easy to see, at least for me.
I will never understand how men and women can do that to their own children without any care for what it might do to their young hearts and minds. She’s been carrying around this trauma since she was eight years old, and no one else seems to have noticed. It pisses me off and makes me want to hit something or someone.
She’s tough because she had to be. She’d built up walls around herself as a way to protect herself; now I have to pull them all down to get to the heart of her so I can heal her or show her how to heal herself.
I hate that her life was so damaged before she even got the chance to live. It breaks my heart, actually. She’s so sweet and innocent without even knowing. She doesn’t realize that her every action is that of the hurt little girl who lost her father’s love and then had to deal with his monster of a wife and her kid, who Alyssa saw as the person who took her place.
I won’t tell her this, but her Dad will have to go a very long way to gain my respect. Any man who would leave his own daughter to raise someone else’s is a piece of shit if you ask me. But I guess that’s something I shouldn’t speak on since I have no real experience with it.
That being said, I’ll be sure to keep an eye on him going forward because he won’t get the chance to hurt her ever again in this life, not with me around. It may not be fair since I wasn’t part of her life back then; she was a literal child, after all. But retrospectively, I hate what he did to her and will make him pay dearly if he fucks up again.
I don’t think she realized that I counted him among her enemies when I made that statement the night before. He doesn’t know it either, but I’ll have him taken out before I let him fuck with her heart again.
“Come on, let me teach you how to handle this monster.”
“Don’t you have people doing that?”
