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“How interesting, I’ve never heard of that kind of menu!” Abbey said. “But, er, how do I know what the name of the dish that I’m smelling is?”
“Oh, your Eye-pet can tell you. The name of each dish is written above the corresponding scent/taste bump,” the Empress said. “Now let me see, what’s on the menu for tonight…”
She was clearly preoccupied, so Abbey decided to try the menu card for herself.
“Spex, can you tell me the name of this first scent/taste bump?” she asked, resting her finger on the bump at the top left corner of the menu card.
“Of course Spex can read for Pretty Abbey! That one says ‘fragelpane dooder,’” he squeaked in her ear.
“Hmm…okay.” The name meant nothing to her—she couldn’t even tell if it was a meat or a vegetable or some other kind of food entirely. Abbey decided the only way to find out if she liked it was to press the bump.
Bringing the menu card to her face, she pressed the first bump. It made a soft bzzt sound, like an aerosol can and a shot of slightly wet spray went right up her nose.
“Oh!” Abbey gasped, pulling the card away from her face. The scent of fragelpane dooder wasn’t very nice at all. It was kind of a mixture of wet dog and mud, Abbey thought. Worse, she could taste it as well and the flavor in her mouth was even more disgusting than the scent!
“Oh dear…Spex doesn’t think Pretty Abbey liked that very much,” her little Eye-pet squeaked in her ear.
“No, judging from the look on her face, that isn’t her first choice,” Solon rumbled from beside her.
“It’s just…a very strong smell,” Abbey said, coughing and trying to be diplomatic. She didn’t want to offend the Empress. “Let me try another one.” She ran her fingertip to the next bump. “Spex? What’s this one called?”
“That one is ‘chomble-hopper,’ Pretty Abbey,” the little Eye-pet said. “Will Pretty Abbey try it?”
“Yes, I will.”
Hoping to get the bad taste of wet dog and mud out of her nose and mouth, Abbey brought the menu card to her face and pressed the next button…only to be greeted with a scent that was exactly like an extremely ripe fart.
“Ugh!” she coughed and choked, waving with the menu card to try and clear the air. But this seemed to waft the putrid scent towards the Empress.
“Oh, I see you’re trying our famous chomble-hopper cheese, my dear,” she said to Abbey. “It ripens in the rind for seven times seventy-seven days before it can be consumed, you know.”
“Really? That’s…a long time,” Abbey said weakly.
“Yes, it’s a strong flavor but so rewarding—the texture is just like silk on your tongue,” the Empress told her.
There was nothing Abbey wanted less to eat than a silky, fart-flavored cheese but she did her best to sound enthusiastic when she answered.
“It sounds so good,” she said, trying to smile.
“Then you must try some! Be sure to tell the server when he comes back,” the Empress said. “Now let me see, what else is on the menu…”
Since Her Majesty was clearly preoccupied with her own menu card again, Abbey felt she could turn back to hers. She was beginning to wonder if there was anything edible on the list, but there was nothing she could do but pick another scent/taste bump and try again.
This time she decided to move down to the second row—maybe there would be better choices there.
“Spex, what’s this one?” she asked, pointing to the first bump in the second row.
“That bump says, ‘chootle-dootle-ootle-stew,’ Pretty Abbey,” Spex told her. “Will Pretty Abbey try it?”
“If I don’t, I won’t know if I should pick it or not.”
Wincing with apprehension, Abbey brought the menu card to her face again and pressed the raised button.
Another aerosol spray of scent/taste went right up her nose again and again she regretted it.
“Rotten eggs!” she gasped, waving the menu card again. “And watermelon Jolly Rancher candy!”
It was a strange and unpleasant combination of flavors and scents and Abbey didn’t like it at all.
