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I need to have one last taste of her.
EIGHTEEN
Ruby
I’ve missed Hawk so much, and I never realized the intensity of my feelings for him until I woke up and found him sitting on the bed, staring at his ailing mother.
Things with Mary have been going really well lately. She seems more content somehow, more at peace, whereas before she was constantly agitated and ready to get into physical altercations.
Now, as Hawk kisses the life out of me, I have no doubt that he will follow whatever directive his president will give him. Based on the short conversation I had with him the one time he visited, he made no secret that I have no right to be in their world.
I have come to realize that I don’t belong into anyone’s world anymore. No matter how I’ve tried to fit in, I was never able to do it, not with my parents, my friends from school, at the strip club or now as Hawk took me away from there, too.
A few days ago, I took some time while Mary was sleeping and counted all the cash he brought to me after breaking into my apartment. I had a decent amount, but not enough to stay into hiding forever. Since I still don’t know how safe it would be for me to contact my financial advisor, I am screwed. Kind of ironic that I have all this money, but I can’t do anything with it.
“I want you, Hawk,” I whisper to him in the dark corner of the room. I should feel weird for saying this to him with his mother laying only feet away from us.
He pulls back and stares at me. His thumbs touch the corners of my mouth, gently moving up and down. He is being too tender, and I don’t know if I can handle it.
“Thank you for being here for my mother,” he finally says. “Mrs. Clarence is impressed with her progress since you’ve been here.”
I try to smile, but I am getting emotional. “She is a lovely lady.”
In fact, she is like the mother I never had, even though she has no idea where she is or why. You can tell she was a wonderful parent and a good person overall when she had her wits about her.
“I’m going to need you to stay here a little longer, sweetheart.” Hawk’s gravelly voice reaches my ears. “I’m not even sure I can save you,” he admits. “I will try, but…”
My eyes fill with instant tears. It’s weird how only seconds ago, I was ready to give him my body. Now, I want to run as far as I can from his. While I have come to a similar conclusion during this past week, it hurts so much actually hearing the words coming from him. But just because I started developing very strong feelings for him, it doesn’t mean he is on the same page as me. He still doesn’t have a problem taking me out if necessary.
A knock at the door interrupts us, and I am grateful for the reprieve. Before either one of us has a chance to walk to it and open it, the visitor enters on his own. It is the same guy who was here before, the one whose patches proclaim him as the president of the Savages motorcycle club.
He addresses Hawk without even glancing my way.
“I had a feeling I’d find you here.”
“Prez,” Hawk greets him. He turns to face him, placing me almost behind him in doing so.
The man smirks at Hawk as he notices the move. That’s when our eyes clash, and I shiver in distress. The tears invading my eyes earlier are now ready to spill down my face. I haven’t felt this emotional in a long time.
“They are looking for her,” he states very matter-of-factly. “I will not allow for you to bring war to our door by having her here.”
Hawk’s entire body tenses, but he doesn’t react in any other physical way.
“No one knows she is here.”
His president smirks again. That seems to be his signature move.
“I do.”
He walks around me and Hawk until he is standing next to the bed. He stares at Mary, who looks peaceful in her sleep, a faint smile stretching her thin lips. When he turns to look at us, any trace of amusement is gone.
“If you think the staff here doesn’t talk, you can think again,” he tells us both. “And if you think Bricks won’t be able to put two and two together sooner rather than later, then you are not as smart as I thought you were, Hawk.”
Hawk crosses his arms over his chest and widens his stance. It makes him look more massive somehow. I want to shrink into myself, hide into a corner and forget I ever met him.
I can only blame myself for this situation. I should’ve never entertained this idea of helping Bricks and Snake when they first came to me about it. It started with them having Lala convince me that I had to dance for Hawk. That established the connection, and they were convinced that I could play him. Little did they know that I wasn’t that smart.
“My direct order was for you to eliminate her,” the president continues. “You chose to defy my direct order. You brought her here instead. Are you now ready to face the consequences?”
