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“I wanted to call you,” her voice stops me when I make a move to leave. “I needed to hear your voice.” Tears start running down her face, making her look like a broken doll.
“Why didn’t you?” It is a simple question that should have a simple answer. However, nothing’s been simple between us. It was all easy love only in my head.
“I didn’t know how to tell you that… that…”
I don’t have the heart to stand here and watch her cry like this. I pull her into my arms and press her head to my chest. I kiss her on the hair, wishing I could keep her like this with me forever. We rock side to side for a few precious moments. I feel like maybe this is closure. The way she left before was not right. Now we can say that we said goodbye to each other properly.
I cup the back of her head and pull it away from my chest so that I can see her face. My heart is breaking all over again when I see the red and puffy eyes, watching me with so much despair.
I kiss her gently on the tip of her nose. “Be happy, Hunter.”
The finality of my words wraps us both in a blanket of incredible sadness. This moment will replay in my head over and over for the rest of my life.
I let go of her and make my way back to Grams. I smile sadly when I picture what her reaction would be if I told her of all the drama she missed in the few minutes I was away. I will tell her all about it one day. Just not today. Today is the day when I will take the time to mourn something that I never truly had.
Hunter Montgomery will always be my one that got away.
CHAPTER 14
Out
Present day…
Hunter
“When are you coming to spend some time with your nephew?” My brother, Ridge, questions me mockingly. “You know he’s growing like a weed, and before you know it, he’ll start talking and he won’t even know who his Aunt Hunter is. He’ll think I’m making her up.”
“Ridge, seriously, if this is your way of telling me that you want to take Brooke out and you need me to babysit, just say so.” He took me out for lunch just to schmooze me for a babysitting gig.
“Fine,” he admits. “I want to take Brooke out, and I don’t want to take Levi out of the house at night. I need you to come spend the night if you can.” He and his wife, Brooke, are the happy parents of a six-week-old baby boy named Levi. And the entire family is just so in love with him.
I always feel tightness in my chest whenever I think of babies and what could’ve been. Seven years is a long time to mourn something you literally never had. By the time I made it to the hospital that day, I had already lost the baby. I was never aware of him, or her, while they were still inside my body. The doctors had no explanation of what could’ve caused me to miscarry. They never found anything wrong with my body. It was just not meant to be, they said.
Three days later, I ran into Zach at the hospital when I went for another checkup. I regret everything about how I handled the situation then. I was young, and I was so scared. I didn’t know how to tell him that I was so in love with him still, I couldn’t function. I didn’t know how to tell him that we had made a baby. And then we had lost that baby.
In my efforts not to hurt Zach more, I only managed to make the last seven years of my life a slow hell. Purgatory, if you will. That’s when you’re not quite sure if you’ll end up in heaven or in hell. You are just suspended in a gray area, and no one can help you out of there.
“I’ll do it,” I now tell my brother. “I was just going to hang out with Chloe anyway, but I think she’ll be busy with Van.”
Chloe Montgomery is our cousin on our father’s side. Younger than me by three years or so, we were never super close as kids. Now that she’s moved back to Lake County, our hometown, and I spend more time here than before, we’ve gotten closer. She is a lot of fun and she keeps me engaged with the outside world. Van is her boyfriend, who also happens to be a famous hockey player who also happens to play for my favorite team, the New York Sliders.
Things with my mom are better nowadays. We are not as close as we used to be before Zach, but we are not in the nightmare of a relationship we had post Zach either. We are friendly. I never told her about my miscarriage, but Mattie told her I had some health issues. That kicked the mama bear inside of her into gear, and she started visiting me on a regular basis. After a few years, I finally gathered the courage to start coming back home too which in turn made both my parents extremely happy.
“Have you given more thought to your move back home?” Ridge tries to probe gently. He’s been so amazing to me lately, and I am so grateful for it. Him being with Brooke brought this whole new side of him out.
“Yes,” I nod. “I talked to my boss about it. I would just have to apply for the transfer to the Illinois office, and he would have to sign off on it. He told me he’d do it.” He was not happy about it though. Mattie, God bless her, promised that she’s stay there forever if he let me go. She’s put in so much more work lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if she got a promotion out of it.
“Are you going to stay with Mom and Dad?”
“I’d prefer not to. I need to start looking for a place.” I haven’t even told my parents yet that I have set plans in motion for my move back home. I feel that my position at the Chicago office will be less stressful, less cumbersome, less… everything. I haven’t been into my job in a very long time now. I am burned out, and I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I almost sound like Chloe now, who’s always whining that she’s not sure what she wants to do with her life.
“You can always stay with us, you know?” My head snaps up in surprise. “Brooke loves you, I sort of like you,” he shrugs, and I throw a piece of bread at his head. “I mean it.”
“Thank you, Ridge,” I feel so emotional all of a sudden. “That’s very generous of you. I’ll give it some thought.”
“I really wish you’d tell me one day whatever happened with that guy you’re so hung up on,” he gives me an assessing look. “You know there are other men out there who would kill to have you. Are you going to be Levi’s spinster aunt? Cat lady?”
“Shut up,” I snort and throw another piece of bread at his head. “I have to go now anyway. Find some cats,” I side eye him and put my nose up in the air.
