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"Really," I confirm. The conviction settles over me like a brand-new coat. “I mean, maybe. You know. We’ll see how things go.”
Grace chuckles, then shifts her gaze to me. Her eyes narrow with concern. "How's Aunt Delta? I haven't seen her at the hospital since her last fall."
I hesitate. I shift the baby’s weight to my other arm. Until Amy landed in my hands, I hadn’t been able to think about much else than my family’s matriarch.
"She's okay, health-wise. Thanks in no small part to you, Miss Doctor Lady. But there's some trouble brewing, financially speaking. Times are tough."
As I just told River on the patio, I need to be careful about not turning this engagement celebration into a pity party.
Grace winces, sympathy etching lines around her eyes. "I'm really sorry to hear that, Pearl. I hope things look up for her soon."
"Thanks. Life just loves to throw curveballs, doesn't it?"
The baby seems to sense my upset and begins to fuss. Instinctively, I bounce her lightly. I whisper soothing sounds until her tiny features relax into a smile.
I sway gently on my heels, her head nestled against my chest. Her soft hair brushes my nose, and I breathe in that sweet, powdery baby scent. My heart does a somersault before squeezing painfully in my chest.
“She settled right down. How’d you do that?” Grace asks.
"I don’t know," I shrug. “It’s just instinct, I guess.”
I look at baby Amy. She looks back at me and then yawns, waving her arms, and… I want this.
I want a baby.
Without all the muss and fuss of finding the right guy and settling down.
I don’t have to have some guy’s ring on my finger to be a good mom. My mom raised us by herself after my dad died. And I turned out well enough, didn’t I?
"Okay, then." I bounce the baby a bit higher. Amy’s cooing sounds punctate the air again. "It's settled. I'm gonna start tracking my cycle. I’m going to figure out the next steps to having a baby and being the hottest single mom on the planet."
“Wait… what?” Grace looks a little shocked. “I didn’t even realize you were thinking about having a baby now!”
“Why not now?” I ask. I raise a challenging brow.
"I didn’t say it was a bad idea. I’m just taken aback. I guess good for you, Pearl." Grace grins. She’s always the supporter, even in my most impulsive moments. "You're taking control. That's what matters."
I nod, feeling empowered. This is me, grabbing life by the reins.
Three
River
Don’t be a coward. Just get out of the damn truck and go inside. It won’t be as bad as all that, I tell myself.
I’m sitting in my truck, parked along the winding private driveway of my parents’ white beachfront mansion, trying to amp myself up.
Empty cars and trucks sit between me and the marble front steps. My brothers and sisters are already inside. The clock on the dash says I’m a half an hour late.
The thing is, I already know what I’m going to get when I head inside. My brothers will chuck me on the arm. My sisters will tell me they’ve missed me lately, and politely inquire about my dating life. My stepdad, Sam, will make small talk about business. My mom will tell me about her friends’ eligible daughters.
I know all of this, because I’ve done this before. Sure, it’s Cole’s engagement brunch instead of a graduation party or a beach barbecue. But I’m still asked the same questions.
Have you met someone special? Are you settling down? Getting married? Having babies?
Now that Cole, the least emotional and most businesslike one of the bunch, has successfully found himself a fiancée, the pressure for me to find my soulmate has only increased.
If I’m being perfectly honest, my family is great, but they are a lot.
