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When the test shows two lines, indicating that I am indeed pregnant, I have to steady myself on the bathroom sink because it feels like my legs are suddenly made of soft rubber.
Is this getting what I have always wanted? Or is my body betraying me as surely as River did?
I guess it's a bit of both.
After washing my hands and disposing of the test, I head right back to my bed and flop down face first. Curling up and pulling the comforter over my head feels essential right now.
God damn. How did my life get so fucked up so fast? Three days ago, I didn't know anything was even wrong. I still probably wouldn't know if River hadn't made a lasting enemy in Bishop.
Is it wrong that a small part of me just wishes that Bishop had kept his trap shut? Instead, he had to snitch on River. Which unleashed hell on me.
What the fuck is going on in my life right now?
After crying all morning, my tear ducts are completely dry now. I'm just miserable.
Miserable and pregnant. What a great way to start my baby-having journey.
My phone vibrates. I sigh heavily and reach for it. It's a text from Sav.
Cole says that you broke up with River. Is there any truth to that wild rumor?
I pause, uncertain what to say. I end up with, Yes. But only because he's a backstabbing son of a bitch.
What? is her response. Then, where are you?
At my cabin.
Can I come over? Or do you want to come to our house on the beach?
I think about that for a second. The whole cabin is heavy with my grief and I'm pretty sure that the air is ripe with depression. I wouldn't want cheerful, sunny Savannah to catch my depression, somehow. Plus, a change of scenery might be nice. I've cried on all the pillows and blankets here already, so it might be nice to sniffle at the beach for a couple of hours.
I'll come to your place, if that's cool.
She answers almost immediately.
Totally. Birdie is here too, FYI. But she promises to take her journalist hat off and don her friend hat instead.
Totally fine. I could use some advice from her, actually. I'll be there soon.
Twenty minutes later, I am clomping up the back stairs to the street entrance to Sav's house. The door swings open and Sav welcomes me into her house with a huge hug. I take it because I desperately need the support right this second.
"Let's grab a glass of wine and then settle down in the living room," she says. Her tone is sweet as pie but there is a distinct air of steely authority underneath that.
"Sure," I say, following her. Once we get into the kitchen, Birdie greets us.
"Hey, Pearl." She wrinkles her nose. "Did you really break up with River?"
I nod. "I had to."
She offers me a hug. I accept it, smiling at how much Sav and Birdie are alike. There may be slight differences between the two sisters: Sav dresses sweet and summery in a lacy white dress, while Birdie looks sassy in her smart green mini dress and winged eyeliner, looking for all the world like a 60s airline stewardess.
"Thanks. And yeah, I'm definitely more than a little heartbroken. I feel so betrayed."
Sav whisks a bottle of sparkling rosé out of the fridge and pops the bottle. "A little bubbly?"
I shake my head slowly. "I can't."
Sav looks up. "Can't? Or just don't want any right now?"
