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The door to the bathroom creaks open. I look up to see Pearl looking tearful.
My heart jumps into my throat.
Is she about to say that she's pregnant with my baby?
Pearl waves a stick wrapped in toilet paper at me.
"Not pregnant," she says. "Yesterday, I wished I would have more time with you. Now I guess I got what I wanted."
Her affect is flat and monotone. I watch as she throws the test away under the kitchen sink and then washes her hands.
Inside, I feel a well of relief. Thank god. I don't have to change anything just yet. That's the best news anyone could give me, personally.
But I know how much Pearl wants this baby, and I can’t ignore the heartbreak in her eyes. My heart feels small and dark from rejoicing about news that breaks her heart.
Without saying a word, she walks back to the bedroom and flops down face first on the bed.
I stand up, uncertain if I should comfort her or if I should give her space.
I've never actually received this kind of news, period. Much less with a girl that I was... what? Dating seems like the wrong word. Fucking seems too casual.
What's the correct term to describe the intense rush I feel whenever I look in her eyes?
My stomach flip flops, and I push to my feet. Heading back into the bedroom, I sit on the bed and gently rub Pearl's back.
"What's going on in there?" I ask.
Pearl rolls onto her side with a sigh. Her eyes are dry, but she is clearly not happy.
"I don't know. I am happy that I still get to spend time with you. But I've always wanted to get pregnant. It's a lot to process."
I pick up her hand, raising her knuckles to my lips for a kiss. "I get that. But it's only been a few months. It takes a while for some people to conceive."
She covers her face with her hands, and mutters her complaints through them. "What if I can't conceive? Or what if your sperm and my egg just don't have like... chemistry?"
I squint. "That sounds made up. Did you read that on Facebook or something?"
She stiffens and then glares at me. Removing her hand from my grip, she huffs. "I don't think accusing me of being ill-informed is the right call right now." She picks at a loose thread on her skirt. "I'm allowed to feel whatever kind of way I want about the test results."
"I never said you couldn't." I shake my head. "I'm just saying that we should be rational about this."
She drops her head into her hands. "It just feels like the world is kind of imploding."
I roll my eyes. "The world is fine. You're being a teeny little bit dramatic."
Pearl's head snaps up and she glares at me. "You know, River. I think I need some space."
"Space?" I say, scoffing. "What does that mean?"
She draws her legs up to her chest and tosses her hair. "It means you should spend the night at your place. Give me room to grieve if I want to."
I'm speechless. Space is the last thing I want. My first impulse is to draw her into my arms and kiss her worries away.
"Pearl--"
"Please go." She sounds broken, on the cusp of tears. "I'm not asking for much."
I stand and put up my hands in surrender, backing out of the bedroom. "I'm going!"
