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For the first time this whole visit, he looks disgruntled. He groans, “It’s his granddaughter’s quinceañera today and his bitch wife is making him go.”
All at once irritation bites at my stomach and I’m a little stunned. I don’t know Carlos and I don’t know his wife, but if I ever heard my father say that about my Angel, I would lay him out in a split second.
And Carlos’ wife is right. A quinceañera is a huge deal and should take precedence over fucking baseball, even the World Series. Hearing him say that tears me apart. Has he always been so crude?
I want to lay into him, but that generational respect barrier is struggling to hold me back.
“Alright, son,” he sighs and brings me into a hug that feels uneven in its exchange. “It was great seeing you. Come see me soon, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I say despondently, but force a smile.
When he turns to leave for his parked rental car, it all hits me.
He didn’t even ask about Angie.
Or the babies.
Or how I’m doing. He didn’t ask how I’m feeling about becoming a dad, about my job, about my business, about the family—none of it.
He didn’t even ask about Angie.
“Hold up, Papá,” I holler, making my way down the front steps where he stands waiting for me. My body thrums with nervous energy. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. “Angie’s doing great by the way.”
He turns his head to see if anyone is coming down the sidewalk and then back to me with a pinched brow. “Yeah? Okay.”
“Yeah,” I huff indignantly. “The babies are too. Why didn’t you ask about them?”
He cocks his head back. “Uh, it was a short visit, son. I don’t know. There was so much to talk about.”
“You couldn’t be bothered to ask about my best friend and our babies?”
“Watch your tone,” he warns, but the barrier is dissolving slowly—just enough for me to speak my mind, but not enough for me to yell.
“I’m going through the biggest changes of my life and you haven’t asked about them.” He crosses his arms and looks away, but I continue. “I started a new job this year, my business has grown, but most importantly, I’m going to be a father. You’re the fucking king of unsolicited advice and you haven’t given me a word?”
“It’s your own damn fault for knocking her up,” he bites out as chills run through my body. “You had a good life before this, son. She’s going to take everything from you, and I’m not talking about your money, which she will. I’m talking about your freedom.”
“What are you talking about? Papá, she is my freedom.” And it’s the truth. I’m never freer than when I’m with her. I’m exactly the person I want to be—never having to hide a single part of myself. Free to explore. Free to dance. Free to feel.
He sighs. “Then you’re making your own bed.” He turns on his heel and walks away but says one more thing before opening his car door. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Everything in my body screams at me to mend the strife I just created between us, but I don’t want to take back what I said. What if I carved my own path without him? Would my life be that much different?
I imagine what my life would look like if I didn’t listen to him. If I didn’t care about pleasing him or earning his love. Oh my god. Have I been avoiding deeper relationships because I think they’re exhausting in the same way mine is with my dad?
I think about Angie. If she’s right—that I’ve been treating her like a wife all these years—then why would I think having a deeper romantic relationship would be work? Our friendship, our relationship, is anything but.
And then it clicks: she loves me and I’ve never had to earn it.
Chapter 34
October 12th
Rafael
The traffic getting to my moms’ house that evening is horrendous and gives me more time to stew in the pot my papá put me in, my thoughts alternating between him and Angie. I’m still vibrating with fear from the way I stood up to him. I know it was nothing compared to the way some people can stand up to their parents, but it was monumental for me.
How could he ignore the most important person in my life? I literally brought her up when he first got there, and instead of asking about her, he complained because I wasn’t going to drink a beer with him. And then when I did bring her up, he wounded me.
