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Do I?
There’s a part of me that still screams for the release that revenge would bring, to balance the scales of justice. But that’s a part that Grandmother put into me. That’s not the real me.
Is it?
Slowly, I pull my hands out of the sheets, staring numbly at them. Once, these hands were intended for healing, for mending the tears in flesh and bone and preserving the sacred spark of life. Now they’re forever stained, marred by violence and death too great to ever be undone.
But…just an hour ago, these hands were also covered in Hadria Imperioli’s blood. Hers was the first life I’ve preserved rather than extinguished in a long, long time. Could I truly go back to dealing in death after that?
Whether or not that ugly, vengeance-seeking voice in my head is my own or Grandmother’s, I don’t want it to be who I am. Not anymore.
“The cycle has to stop somewhere,” I tell Lyssa, and a sense of peace comes over me. “So it will stop with me.”
CHAPTER 29
Lyssa
I send for more food, which Mario of all people brings up to my room. And then he does something even stranger, and gives Scarlett an awkward thank you for saving Hadria’s life. I raise an eyebrow at him but he just shrugs uncomfortably and backs out of the room.
I wait with Scarlett while she eats, watching her closely. She looks exhausted, dark circles under her eyes, her face pale. And it’s not just because she gave over half her personal fucking blood supply to save Hadria, I know that. No. She’s had a tough few weeks. She’s had a tough few years.
And Sarah coming in—whatever the hell that was—didn’t help.
But there’s a determined set to Scarlett’s lovely face, a strength in her eyes that wasn’t there before. She’s changed. Hardened. Become more like me, I realize with a pang. Is this what loving me does to a person? Turns them cold and hard and ruthless?
When she’s done eating, her eyelids start to droop again. I push her back on the pillows, my hands lingering on her shoulders a moment longer than necessary. She’s so soft, so warm. I want nothing more than to climb in beside her, to wrap her in my arms and shield her from the cruelty of this world.
But I can’t. Not yet. Not until I know she’s safe.
I lock the door behind me, ensuring she’ll be secure while I’m gone. The click of the lock is loud in the quiet hallway. It feels final, ominous. Like I’m locking away my heart.
I make my way downstairs, intending to check on Hadria, but I run into Mrs. Graves first. Anger flares in me at the sight of her—how could she let her crazy fucking assassin daughter just wander around the place like that? After everything she’s done?
I open my mouth to bitch her out, but before I can say anything, Mrs. Graves envelops me in a warm hug. “I wanted to thank you in private, Lyssa,” she says, her voice choked with emotion. “Thank you for bringing my daughter back to me.”
I stiffen, unsure how to respond. “Look, I did what I had to do,” I say gruffly, extricating myself from her embrace. “But you realize what this means, don’t you? We killed a guy…for nothing. I mean, he was an asshole, sure, and maybe he was a killer, even, but?—”
Mrs. Graves pulls back, her face ashen. “It was a wicked thing that I did, and I knew that even before my Sarah was returned to me. But it was my fault, Lyssa. Not you and Hadria. And I’ll regret it to my dying day.”
“Killing on someone else’s orders doesn’t make it any better.” That’s one thing I’m damn sure of right now, even though it seems to upset Mrs. G further. I change the subject. “Do you think Sarah will be…alright?”
Mrs. Graves sighs heavily. “I don’t know. She’s so angry, so lost…I’m so afraid for her.”
I don’t know that “angry” or “lost” would be my first word choices. Stone-cold, vacant, weird?—
I’m saved from having to reply by Sarah’s actual appearance at the end of the hallway.
“Is Hadria still awake? I need to see her,” Sarah demands from her mother, without even looking at me.
Mrs. Graves frowns. “I’m not sure, dear, but I don’t want you getting mixed up in Syndicate business.”
“She’s already mixed up in this, whether we like it or not,” I say. Time to see what this strange woman really has to offer. I jerk my head at Sarah. “I’ll take you to Hadria. Come on.”
Mrs. Graves looks like she wants to argue, but I’ve already turned away, and Sarah is following me. I lead her upstairs to Hadria’s room, where Hadria insisted on moving as soon as she could speak louder than a whisper.
And all the while, I wonder what Sarah wants.
Hadria is sitting up in bed, an array of papers spread out in front of her, commanding the Syndicate even from her sickbed. She looks up as we enter, and with a wave of her hand she dismisses everyone except Aurora.
