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I am the woman who dreams of conquering the North Sea, the English Channel, the Tsugaru Channel. This is a short swim. Easily manageable.
I am strong.
With my arms extended, I start long, powerful strokes toward the surface. Hope surges within me, but then something grabs me, yanking me back into the depths.
There's enough light from the ferry for me to see him—Wolf. And with him comes a cloud of blood, blinding me. He sinks, and he takes me with him.
His grip is strong, but I am stronger. On land, he would dominate me, but this is the water. This is where I am meant to be.
I am strong. Stronger than him, than his enmity.
I deliver a few powerful, well-centered kicks, and his grip loosens. He continues to fall into the darkness, his eyes wide with shock and fury.
I look up, seeing the shimmering light above me. I just need to get to it. My muscles are starting to seize from the cold, the first stage of hypothermia. Wolf dragged me down further than I am comfortable being, but I am strong. I can do this. That shimmering light. I just need to reach it. Everything will be fine once I reach it.
Each stroke is a test of my will. My muscles scream in protest, but I push through the pain. The light gets closer. I can see the surface now, tantalizingly close. My lungs burn for air, and my vision starts to blur around the edges.
Just a little more. Just a few more strokes. I grit my teeth, channeling every ounce of strength I have left. The cold is relentless, but so am I.
I am so close. My strength is nearly gone, but I extend my hand, and my fingertips break the surface. For a fleeting moment, I touch the air, taste the promise of life above.
But I can’t do it. I’m notstrong enough.
As my strength gives out, I begin to fall back into the darkness. I wonder if Sofia will be on the other side. Will she be able to tell me what happened to her? Maybe I could contact Selene from the other side. I hope Selene ends up happy in this world; it seems like an impossible task. I think of Ella, with her profile that looks so much like a grown woman. I hope that whatever I did in this cult was enough to ensure that Ella would never have to go through what I have gone through, never have to know this fear.
Fear. I thought I would be more scared in this moment. But I’m not.
Suddenly, a pair of arms are around me. I break the surface, gasping. Diarmuid has saved me. Selene screams. I can hear Victor’s voice giving commands.
Diarmuid’s voice is urgent and soothing in my ear. “Hold on, Niamh. You’ve done so well. I’m so proud of you. Just hold on.”
I am so weak. I know that I am saved, but sleep seems like such a gift. Especially with how beautifully the lights are shimmering on the water. The cold no longer feels like pain, but like a blanket pulling me into peaceful oblivion.
“Stay with me, Niamh,” Diarmuid’s voice insists, a lifeline pulling me back. His grip is strong, his determination palpable.
I blink, fighting the overwhelming urge to close my eyes. The lights blur, and Selene’s frantic face is above me. “Niamh! Stay awake!” she screams, her voice cutting through the haze.
Victor’s commands are a distant roar, but they ground me in reality. I focus on Diarmuid’s voice, his words. “I’m so proud of you,” he repeats, his tone steady and reassuring.
My vision narrows, the darkness at the edges creeping closer. But I hold on. For Diarmuid, for Selene, for Ella. I must stay awake. I must survive.
The world above the water is chaotic, but it's also filled with hope and life. I cling to that, to the shimmering lights and the warmth of Diarmuid’s arms.
I want to tell Diarmuid I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m not strong enough. The darkness consumes me. There is no flash of memories or a bright light. All there is darkness and cold.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Amira
THE TAXI RIDE back to Wolf's place fills me with a twisted sense of giddiness. I can't help but smile to myself. No one had searched for him. Diarmuid's beating had ensured he wouldn't survive the icy waters. A fate he deserved, I tell myself, trying to push away the lingering guilt.
The earlier drugs are wearing off, and I start to feel every bite and pinch of my broken skin from Wolf's recent abuse. My body aches, a constant reminder of the torment I've endured. I shift uncomfortably in the seat, wincing as the motion sends a jolt of pain through me.
"Almost there," the driver says, glancing at me through the rearview mirror. I nod, my mind elsewhere, replaying the events that led to this moment. The rage in Wolf's eyes, the sickening sound of flesh meeting flesh, and then the water, the unforgiving water swallowing him up. Watching him go over the rail had filled me with so much joy.
I suppress a smile.
I bite my lip, trying to focus on something else, anything else to keep the laughter at bay. The city lights blur past the window, and I close my eyes, letting out a slow, shaky breath. I need to stay strong.
