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His expression becomes suddenly guarded. “Be careful with him, okay?”
My eyes flash to his, startled. “Why?”
“Nothing like that. He won’t lay a hand on you,” he says quickly. “He’s hot-tempered when he’s embarrassed, but that shouldn’t be an issue with you. A few weeks ago, he lost his shit after a guy at the gym kicked his ass while sparring. What I meant was – well, Blake is nice, but he isn’t the relationship type, and he never lacks for female company.”
I relax a little. “He told me he has trust issues and avoids commitments because of his failed marriage. The bit about his hot temper surprises me because he seems so Zen,” I admit. “But I’m not looking for a relationship, so I’m glad he doesn’t want one, either. This is merely a minor adjustment to the Winners versus Whiners. For the first time, I’ve agreed to a second date. I’m not planning on doing anything but getting comfortable being around a guy again.”
He smiles. “You’ve done exceptionally well tonight. I’m impressed. You should be, too.”
I smile, too. “I am, actually. Physical contact, emotional vulnerability. Who knew a therapist might actually know what she was talking about?”
Tom lightly squeezes my fingertips, and I don’t flinch or panic. “Thank you for trusting me.”
I laugh. “Letting you see my train wreck of a life probably isn’t something you should thank me for.”
He shakes his head. “You’re not a train wreck, Charlie. You’re a fighter, and I’ll fight alongside you anytime. I’ll do anything to protect my family, bloodborne or chosen.” Tom referring to me as family brings me to tears again, and he hugs me again before I leave.
I consider the wisdom of Willow’s words on my short drive home. Intimacy begins with an emotional connection.
I’ve been more open and intentionally intimate with Tom than with anyone since my trauma. I didn’t need to tell Lila – she lived it with me – or Mark, because he saw it when he rescued me.
Tonight was different. I invited Tom in, sharing things I’ve tried to bury, and he didn’t pull away. On the contrary, he offered to wade into the trenches beside me. Then he shared his own pain, allowing me access to a part of himself he keeps tucked away.
It’s truly intimate. Not romantically, but in a soul-baring kind of way.
This was what Willow was talking about. Because I was willing to be vulnerable and let Tom in, we connected on a deeper level.
A smile crosses my face as I pull into the driveway. I leaned against Tom. I consoled him and let him console me. I hugged him. I kissed his cheek.
I showed physical affection and didn’t panic.
Maybe there is something to this intimacy business after all.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
MARK
Tucker shows up shortly after Charlie leaves for dinner with Tom and Maya. He’d texted me earlier to ask if he could stop by. When I meet him at the door, he’s carrying his laptop. I tip my head at it as he closes the door behind him. “What’s with the computer?”
“You asked us about dealing with night terrors,” he answers, leading the way into the living room. “I figured I’d field this one since I’ve dealt with them with both Lila and Charlie.”
We sit down on the couch. I explain what happened last night with Charlie while he opens the camera program on his laptop. He winces when I get to the part about holding her arms and shakes his head vehemently when I describe rolling her onto her stomach and pinning her down.
“If it happens again, don’t touch her. Move away so you can’t even accidentally make contact. In that moment, anyone who touches her is her attacker.”
My spirit sinks as I remember how poorly she reacted to my touch. “I know that now. At the time, all I could think about was waking her up.”
“Lila would become more… defensive, I guess, although that’s not the most accurate way to describe it. With her night terrors, she’d bolt awake in a panic and sort of fold in on herself. If I touched her, she’d turn ferocious, but as long as I didn’t come near her, she didn’t. I’d talk to her calmly and reassure her until she woke up enough to realize where she was. Her flashbacks were different. She was awake, but she wasn’t present. In her mind, she was still in that cell, fighting to free herself. All I could do was back off and talk to her until she was with me again.”
“What did you say to snap her out of it?”
He shakes his head. “It’s not about what you say. Your words won’t register, but your voice and your tone will. In that moment, she believes you’re the bastards who attacked her. When it sinks in that you’re not yelling, that you’re speaking gently and not touching her, her mind will pause and reassess. Hearing your voice will draw her back to the present. Touching her will have the opposite effect.” He glances at my face. “Is that how you got that bruise?”
I nod. “Charlie threw an elbow when I put my hand on her shoulder.”
“Remember how I said as long as I didn’t touch Lila, she’d go into defensive mode?” He waits for me to nod again. “Not Charlie. She immediately goes on the attack.” His hand hovers over the touchpad of his laptop. “You up to seeing footage of her on the bench?”
“Having a night terror? I guess so. I saw her have one last night.”
