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She shakes her head again. “You were trying to help. Calling me Baby Girl made me realize it wasn’t actually happening now.”
We sit there for long moments before I speak again. “You haven’t had a night terror that intense since the first night I got here. Did something change? Do I need to adjust the wake-up time?”
She’s quiet for a moment. “I went to see a different therapist yesterday. I talked about things and it got a little too real. I had a panic attack in her office. I guess it stirred everything up.”
I glance down in surprise. “I didn’t know you were going to see someone else.”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
I shake my head. “You don’t have to tell me. I just didn’t realize you’d changed doctors.”
“I’m not leaving Linda. This woman focuses on teaching people to be more open, to foster emotional connection. I thought it might help me become comfortable around men. Maybe help me be less broken.” She sighs deeply. “It didn’t work out so great tonight.”
“Can I do anything?”
She hesitates. “Really bad episodes leave me drained. Linda says intense crying makes the brain release endorphins to numb the pain. Even though I’m exhausted, I’m still anxious.” She looks away when she says the word “anxious”, like it’s something shameful. “Would it be okay if you held me till I fall asleep, so I feel safe? Is that alright?”
I kiss the top of her head. “Of course it is.” Hell, all this shit’s my fault anyway. Her and Lila’s kidnapping, her night terrors, making things worse tonight by manhandling her. Helping her feel safe so she can fall asleep is the least I can do. I’d give anything to undo the pain I’ve caused her.
We straighten the comforter and retrieve the fallen pillows, and I move to the center of the bed. Charlie reaches out and lightly touches my right cheekbone. It feels swollen and tender. I wonder how bad my thigh will look in the morning from her kick.
“I’m sorry I punched you,” she murmurs.
“I grabbed you, so you were justified. Besides, you didn’t punch me. You threw an elbow. Very nicely, I might add. You haven’t lost your touch.” Charlie was always skilled at hand-to-hand combat, and she knows sharp elbows often inflict more damage than blunt fists.
She winces. “Do you want some ice?”
“Nope. It looks worse than it feels. I’m fine.” I lay down. “Come here.”
She curls into me, nestling her head into my shoulder and laying her hand on my chest. I fold my arms around her, holding her close as I pull the covers up.
“You’ve called me Baby Girl for a really long time,” she says out of the blue.
“Since you were fourteen and I was sixteen.”
“You remember that?”
“I do.”
“That’s been….” She makes a face, counting in her head, but with her fatigue, it takes longer than usual. “Nineteen years.”
I nod. “We’ve been together a long time.”
“Why did you start calling me Baby Girl?”
I smile. “I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”
She raises her head. “What?”
“It’s classified. I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you.”
“What a load of crap,” she mutters, laying her head back down on my shoulder.
I laugh. “Sometimes it’s better for things to remain a mystery.”
“I’m pretty sure this isn’t one of those things.”
I chuckle. “Good night, Baby Girl.”
