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After my admission, I expect a wild reaction, but Stacy only stares at me with sharp, thoughtful eyes. “Tell me what happened the day you left the church.”
I stop pacing and turn to my sister. “I was upstairs in the dressing room, and I panicked, so I left. Next thing I know I’m at the mountain. There’s a familiar spot to me there. That’s—”
“Where you and Liam used to hang out as kids?”
My eyes widen, as I stare at my sister. “What? How did you know that?”
Stacy rolls her eyes. “Penny, I’m your sister. Of course I knew what you were doing, I just didn’t say anything.”
When I don’t respond, she probes, “So? Was that where you went?”
“Yes.” I nod solemnly, ringing my hands. “I needed to quiet my mind, and it was the place that came to me. The rocks gave way under me, and I fell. I almost went over the cliff; only a branch saved me. That was where Liam found me.”
“What a coincidence,” she hums. “A very opportune coincidence.”
“I almost gave up,” I murmur, thinking about my horrifying experience. After I tried everything my father taught me, I panicked, and at that moment, I saw my life flash before my eyes. The irony that I would fall to my death in my wedding gown wasn’t lost on me.
“There was a time the branch slipped, and I thought I would die.” I whisper, just then my arms start to shake, and I force out a laugh. Then, my hands won’t stop shaking. The image of me hanging over the edge is imprinted in my brain, and my body begins to shudder, too.
“Stacy…” I squeak.
She jumps to her feet. “Penny, you’re shaking. What’s wrong?”
Sweat breaks out on my forehead and body. I feel my body sway, and I grab onto Stacy.
“Relax.” She grabs my shoulder. “Penny, listen to my voice. Breathe in slowly through your nose.”
I slowly take a deep, choppy breath. “Hold it for a bit. Good. Now, release it through your mouth. Slowly.”
With each breath I feel my body relax. “Open your eyes,” Stacy says. “Look at me.”
When I open my eyes, she smiles. “See me? You’re here with me. You’re safe. Mom is in the living room. Nothing can hurt you here. Alright?”
“Thank you.” I whisper, wrapping my arms around her. She squeezes me tightly. Both of us are shaken up from what just happened and what could’ve happened if Liam didn’t show up when he did. “Thank you so much.”
She pulls away and looks me directly in the eyes, and softly says. “You might need a therapist to get you through this.”
Ignoring what she just said, I do what I’ve always done and get ready to face my fears. It was what my dad always did, and my mom hated it. I can’t let fear turn a place I love into a nightmare. I grab sweatpants and a ribbed tee from the closet and change, determination oozing from every action I take.
Stacy frowns. “What are you doing?”
“I’ve got to go somewhere.” I pick up a tote bag and stuff it with essentials. If I don’t, this fear will completely cripple me and keep me away for the rest of my life.
There are two unread books on my table. I pick them up and stuff them in the tote, too. I’m ready to leave. I hug Stacy. “You’re the best sister.”
Her eyes widen. “Where are you going?”
“Out.”
Mom is eating in the living room and looks up when I walk in. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to read.” Her mouth falls open, but she doesn’t say anything.
Stacy follows me out the door. “Do you think it’s smart to leave after what just happened?”
“Stacy,” I say softly, giving her a quick hug. “I’m a big girl, I’ll be okay. I’m doing what I think I need to do. Try to understand.” My expression pleading.
I wave as I drive off, and she says nothing else but I can see the look of concern on her face. I roll down the windows, and let the air blow through my hair. I don’t know exactly how I intend to confront my fear when I get there, but one thing is for sure: I won’t leave until I do.
