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Josh treats me like a princess, spoiling me as he shows me the sights. But it isn’t just London that fascinates me today. It’s him. The genuine passion in his eyes. His zest for life, and his charm, and his quirky little mannerisms – like nipping my ear in the midst of our selfie taking, the camera catching the moment.
I send some of them through to my parents, and Mum replies with a grinning emoji while Josh and I are hanging out with the pigeons in Trafalgar Square.
Can’t wait to meet him. Maybe we’ll see him in Sydney…
I show him the message.
“You must have been singing my praises,” he says. “I’m sure she wouldn’t be inviting me to the other side of the world on the back of some ear biting selfies.”
“You could say that, yeah.”
“Well, tit for tat. I haven’t stopped messaging my folks about you, either. They’ve even seen the picture of you snoozing under your leopard print blanket while Tiff is yapping on.”
“Oh God,” I laugh, remembering the moment. “I hope you told them it was at four a.m. and I wasn’t being an ignorant cow.”
“Don’t worry, they know it’s always a four a.m. yap session whenever Tiff is involved. She virtually lived at our place for years. They used to be able to hear her laughing through the ceiling, over the TV, Mum says. She still quotes it now.” He puts on a voice. “I KNOWWWWWWWWW. That’s what she used to say on loop, apparently. I knowwwwwwwwww, and then she’d cackle. Mum will give you a better impression of it than me when you meet her.”
Hardly, because Josh has impressions of Tiff down to a T, and this particular one tickles me like hell. I can hear her voice saying it – I knowwwwwwwwwww – and I have to fight not to choke on my takeout milkshake.
“Fucking hell, Caroline hated her, right from the start,” Josh says when I’ve finished up laughing. “She was always the star of the show until Tiff joined in with family life and took a share of the limelight. Everyone caught up in the look at Caroline universe shared their attention with Tiffany too, and it caused quite a bit of backlash.”
“Backlash?” I ask as we climb up onto the top deck of another tour bus.
“Yeah, Caroline would play up at first, stropping and shouting about everything from how Tiff was in the shower too much, to how she’d eaten three more biscuits than her. Serious toddler mentality.”
“Didn’t Tiff want to fuck off and leave her to it?”
Josh smirks. “No. That’s not how Tiff works. It made her more inclined to give Caroline the proverbial middle finger and brush it off. She was always welcome at our place and made the most of it, especially when she was still hunting down a life of soulmates with me. Fuck my baby sister and her snarky ways.”
“Do they get on now?” I ask him.
“No. Although you could say that Tiff won the battle.”
“How so?”
“They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, and Caroline is a little goth wannabe, with the same pillar box red hair. She’s not curvy like Tiff, but she has the same tiaras, and has the same kind of hip sway as she walks.”
“She must be quite hot if she’s a mimic of Tiff.”
“I’ll let you be the judge of that when you meet her.”
The double decker takes a turn and reveals the Thames. Damn this tour is really something.
We admire the view for a few minutes before Josh looks away from the river and back to me.
“Since my parents are a lot closer than yours, I think it’s about time I extended an invitation to one of my grand family get togethers. All of my siblings along with Mum and Dad at their place. Sunday dinner, and apple crumble to follow, and lots of family gossip. How about it?”
“Nice. I’d love to come.” I grin. “Reserve me a place, please. Hopefully Caroline won’t hate me and complain I’ve eaten too many carrots.”
“Take it as a compliment if she does.” He squeezes my knee. “I think she’ll love you, actually. You can compare tiaras and talk about the Camden goth scene. Maybe you’ll go out for a drink with her and cement the deal, if you can stomach her that long.”
Another lurch. Old habits die hard.
“I’d say Camden is a bit outdated for me, since I don’t go there anymore. The last thing I’d want to do is see Connor preening on stage, or showing off his groupie girlfriend like a trophy.”
The thought really does give me the ick, and Josh nods. I hate how the venom is still there in me. A clear sign of ‘not yet over it’, but I guess the same is true of him. I doubt he’d want to run into Amy with her billionaire yachtsman anytime soon, either.
Talking of boats, Josh points to one sailing up the river.
