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Did he regret it? Was it too much, too fast? Did he look at me in the cold light of day and see only a liability, a weakness he couldn't afford?
I stumble out of the bedroom, my heart in my throat. The safe house is quiet, the silence broken only by the hum of the refrigerator and the distant rumble of traffic, the broken glass windows boarded up. I check the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom. All empty, all bearing no trace of the man I'm seeking.
Panic rises up inside me, bitter and cloying. I can't lose him. Not now, not after everything we've been through. Not after I've seen the man beneath the monster, the heart beneath the ice.
I'm reaching for my phone, ready to dial his number and demand answers, when I hear it. The creak of floorboards, the soft scuff of a footstep. I spin around, hope and dread warring in my chest.
Enzo is standing in the doorway, his face unreadable. He's fully dressed, his dark hair damp from the shower. His eyes are guarded, his mouth set in a grim line. He looks like a stranger, like the cold, ruthless killer I first met in that blood-soaked alley.
"Enzo," I breathe, taking a step towards him. "Where were you? I woke up and you were gone. I thought..."
I trail off, suddenly unsure. He's looking at me like I'm a ghost, like he can't quite believe I'm real. Like he wishes I wasn't.
"Luca," he says, his voice flat and emotionless. "We need to talk."
My heart sinks, a cold sense of dread settling in my gut. I know that tone, that look. I've seen it before, on the faces of lovers and friends who were about to deliver bad news. Who were about to break my heart.
"Okay," I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "What about?"
He takes a deep breath, his eyes closing for a moment. When he opens them again, they're hard and cold, like chips of obsidian. "Last night was a mistake. It can't happen again."
The words hit me like a blow, knocking the air from my lungs. I stare at him, my mouth opening and closing soundlessly. I can't process it, can't make sense of what he's saying.
"What? Enzo, no. It wasn't a mistake. It was..."
Beautiful. Perfect. Everything I've ever wanted.
He shakes his head, his jaw clenching. "It was a lapse in judgment. A moment of weakness. I let my guard down, let myself forget who and what I am."
I flinch, hurt lancing through me like a blade. "And what's that? A monster? A killer?"
He meets my gaze, unflinching. "Yes. I'm all of those things, Luca. And more. I'm a man who's done unspeakable things, who's got more blood on his hands than you can imagine."
I shake my head, refusing to accept it. "That's not all you are, Enzo. I've seen the man beneath the mask, the heart beneath the scars. You're more than your past, more than your sins."
He laughs, the sound harsh and bitter. "You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know me, Luca. Not really. You've only seen what I've allowed you to see, the parts of me that are safe to share."
I step closer, my hands clenching into fists. "Then show me the rest. Let me in, Enzo. Let me see all of you, the good and the bad."
His eyes flash, something dark and dangerous lurking in their depths. "You don't want that. Trust me. If you knew the things I've done, the monster I truly am...you'd run screaming."
"You keep saying that, but I haven't run yet." I lift my chin, meeting his gaze head-on. "Try me."
For a moment, he just stares at me, his expression unreadable. Then, with a sigh, he turns away, his shoulders slumping. "I can't. I won't. I'm not going to drag you down into my darkness, Luca. I'm not going to taint you with my sins."
Anger flares inside me, hot and bright. "Don't I get a say in that? Don't I get to choose what I can handle, what I'm willing to fight for?"
He whirls back to face me, his eyes blazing. "No. You don't. Because this isn't just about you and me, Luca. This is about the fucking mafia, about the world I'm trapped in. And believe me when I say there's no escape, no happily ever after for men like me."
I stare at him, my heart cracking in my chest. "So that's it? You're just going to walk away, pretend like last night never happened?"
He clenches his jaw, his eyes shadowed with pain. "I have to. It's the only way to keep you safe, to protect you from the shitstorm that's coming."
I shake my head, hot tears pricking at my eyes. "I don't want to be safe. I want to be with you, Enzo. I want to fight for this, for us."
He closes his eyes, his face twisting with anguish. "There is no us, Luca. There can't be. Not in this life, not in this world."
He turns to go, his hand reaching for the door. Panic claws at my throat, desperate and wild. I lunge forward, grabbing his arm, spinning him back to face me.
