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I laugh. “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into tonight. I’m the manifestation of every stereotype about girls and fall.”
“Why do you think I asked you to go with me—I need to experience it through your beautiful eyes,” Mateo responds with a chuckle. “I’m happily following wherever you lead tonight.”
Center Square is already packed with young families in addition to the college crowd, so we have to park a little far away and walk back toward the action. My heart bursts with delight as we reach the outskirts of the festival and smell the delicious mingling of campfire, pumpkin spice, apple cider, and roasted marshmallows.
I lead Mateo through the heart of the festivities to all my favorite stops. He’s all smiles as we peruse local booths, play festival games, enjoy apple cider donuts and hot coffee, and admire the decorative displays. He even suggests pausing to take pictures at some of the photo ops set up around the square. I’ve always loved this event, but watching Mateo match my enthusiasm in a totally sincere way is making this the greatest fall festival ever.
We’re walking to the fire pit to roast marshmallows when Mateo’s phone starts ringing. He glances at the screen and says, “Hey, it’s my sister. Do you mind if I step away and take this real quick?”
“Of course! I’ll just go look at the booths we didn’t see on the far side—meet me over there?”
Mateo squeezes my elbow and says thanks right before stepping away and swiping his phone to answer. “Hey, hermana hermosa, what’s up?” I hear him say before he’s out of ear shot, and it makes me smile. I’d love to meet these family members he’s clearly so fond of.
I make my way over to the booth of a woman selling handmade jewelry. I’m browsing to see if any pieces inspire as a gift for my mom or Olivia when I feel a hand grab my elbow from behind. Startled, I whirl around to see Aaron standing behind me.
“Oh my gosh, Aaron, you scared me!” I gasp, heart racing.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Lana, I really need to talk to you. Will you come over here with me for a minute? Please?” he asks, a pleading look in his eye.
My body tenses up, dreading however this conversation is going to go. I nod, though, and follow him through the edge of the festival booths to the entrance of an alley. “What’s up?” I ask, trying to sound calmer than I feel.
Aaron has a frenzied energy about him, swinging his arms and shifting his weight back and forth before he finally speaks. “Lana, I just need to know what’s going on with you and Alvarez. What are you doing with him?”
I’m a little shocked by Aaron being so forthright and don’t respond immediately, not really knowing what to say.
Aaron paces for a few seconds before turning back to face me again. “I just don’t understand, Lana. I thought it was obvious that you and I were, you know…that we liked each other, and we’d eventually start dating. What are you doing going out with Alvarez?”
I can feel myself shaking as adrenaline pulses through my body. It’s not lost on me that six weeks ago, I would have given anything to hear these words from Aaron. But a lot has changed since then. I try to formulate a firm but kind response. “Aaron, yeah, I guess we did like each other, and maybe it did seem obvious. But you never actually said anything. You never did anything. I couldn’t know for sure that you really did like me, and that it wasn’t all in my head.”
Aaron groans and wipes his hand down his face. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t come out and say it, Lana. I’ve known for a long time that you were who I wanted to end up with after college. I thought I was being super transparent about how I felt about you.” He pauses, like what he’s said should be the “gotcha” of a winning closing argument.
His eyes look almost wild with panic. I have compassion for how he’s feeling, but I’m not persuaded away from my new affection for Mateo. I look down and quietly speak. “I’m sorry, Aaron. I don’t really know what to say.”
Aaron grabs my hand in both of his. “Lana, if you went out with Mateo to get my attention, to get me to say something and ask you out, it worked, okay? I’m here, I’m being direct, I’m telling you how I feel and that I want to be with you. You made your point.”
I narrow my eyes and yank my hand away, the compassion I was feeling for him completely snuffed out. “You did not just accuse me of using Mateo to manipulate you into asking me out. How dare you think that I would do that.”
He clearly realizes he’s said the wrong thing, and desperately tries to backtrack. “No, that’s not what I meant, I wouldn’t think that of you, Lana. I’m sorry, it’s just…the thought of you dating someone else, that I might have missed my chance when I’ve been waiting for you for so long just has my head all mixed up.”
Now my blood is really hot. Boiling. “You, waiting for me, for so long? Aaron, I’m the one who’s been waiting around on you. I liked you ever since the end of freshman year! You’ve had two years of chances. Two years!” I’m practically yelling now and consciously take a breath to force myself to quiet down, but the heat remains in my voice.
“You strung me along for years, Aaron. I was constantly deciphering what your intentions were, or if you even had any. You flirted and led me on, but never did anything. You never asked me out. You never told me how you felt. You had plenty of opportunities but never took any of them. So I’m not apologizing for going out with a guy who was upfront about how he felt about me and is actively pursuing me. A guy I happen to like. A lot.”
Aaron’s eyes look pained. He strides back and forth with his hands on his hips, but I don’t say anything else.
“Okay, it’s my fault, I know it’s my own fault. I was an idiot for not saying something to you sooner,” Aaron says, still pacing like a caged tiger. He lets out a deep breath that turns into more of a growl before pushing the palms of his hands into his eyes. He turns to face me. “Lana, listen. I just need you to know that I’m here, if things don’t work out with Alvarez, I’ll be right?—”
I cut him off before he can finish. “Nope, you’re not going to do that, Aaron. I really like Mateo. And I’m going to put one hundred percent of myself into our relationship to make it work. I’m not going to sabotage what I have with Mateo by having a backup option with you in my mind.”
“Lana, please?—”
“No, Aaron. You and I are just friends. If you want to remain friends, then you can’t say things like that anymore. You can’t try to make me doubt things with Mateo. You have to accept just being friends, or we need to stay away from each other altogether,” I finish, still trembling and breathing hard.
Aaron doesn’t say anything, just clenches his jaw and gives a curt nod. He turns to leave the alley, but pauses to say over his shoulder, “Fine, I get it. I’ll see you around, Lana.”
I’m fighting back tears from sheer emotional exhaustion. I lean against the wall and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my nervous system. Mateo must be finished talking with his sister by now and looking around for me. My hands are shaking too much to try to take out my phone to see if he’s texted me, so I take one more breath before turning right out of the alley back toward the festival.
I’ve only made it a few feet when I see Mateo standing near the jewelry booth, hands casually in his pockets. Oh no, I hope he didn’t see me with Aaron. He gives me a soft smile, a new smile I haven’t seen before. There’s a quiet confidence to it, an easy sweetness that washes warmth over me like a spring sunbeam.
