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“Wait, let me finish,” I interrupt without even taking a breath. “Literally every single one of the girls from TriAlpha would love to date you. I mean, Bailey Williams might stab my eye out to have the chance to be sitting here with you.”
His incredulity softens into what looks alarmingly like amusement.
I pause to collect my thoughts. “The point is you could date any of the gorgeous, popular girls on campus. Why would you pay attention to me?” I ask a bit breathlessly, biting my lip to keep my mind grounded.
Mateo leans forward and looks down at his hands for a moment. I realize I’m holding my breath again.
“I’ve been paying attention to you, Lana,” he finally says, peering up through his long, dark eyelashes into my eyes. “For a long time.”
Silence.
“Huh?”
He smiles almost wistfully. “Your parents live in Kansas City. You have three younger siblings: twin brothers in eighth grade and a sister in tenth grade. You’re studying social science to prepare for law school so you can become an immigration lawyer like your mom—which you’ll be amazing at, by the way.
“You ordered an iced latte this afternoon because it’s hot out, but as soon as the first leaf changes color to signal your favorite season, you’ll switch to flat whites in the afternoons. But you always drink plain brewed coffee in the mornings with just half-and-half, no sugar or flavored creamers. When you’re at Creamiery you get the peanut butter cup gelato, but at IceScream you get the coffee ice cream with a brownie mixed in.”
I feel my eyes widening in disbelief as he continues.
“You listen to a lot of Taylor Swift and cello music, which is an interesting combination, but you pretty much always have music playing. And you must have taken piano lessons at some point in life because you mindlessly tap melodies with your fingers when you’re thinking about something.
“You’re always the first one to volunteer to pick up freshmen from the dorms for meetings, and you always talk about the great things Amaya and Teegan or the other girls in AOPi are doing instead of keeping the spotlight on yourself. You signed up for not just one but two early mornings at Summer Project to set up breakfast when no one else wanted to volunteer. And you had great rapport with your coworkers at the outlet mall because you developed authentic friendships with them all summer. I wouldn’t be surprised if you still keep in touch with some of them even now.”
He pauses to take a deep breath.
“You just…genuinely love Jesus. And the people around you. Not just the ones that Arrow encourages you to spend time with like your sorority sisters, but also other people, like the ELL students you tutor. You care about helping vulnerable people, not only in your future career but now.”
I know for a fact that my mouth is hanging wide open. I’m completely shocked by this (very accurate) list of observations about me.
“Oh, and you constantly complain about sorority life and say you only did it for your law school application, but you secretly love it because it brought you Teegan and Amaya. And you can’t imagine the rest of your life without them.” He leans back like he just dropped the mic.
His voice lowers as he reiterates, “I’ve been paying attention, Lana. For a long, long time.”
I glance down at the table and see the muffin he offered to share (which I have eaten most of already) is orange chocolate chip, my favorite at Bookafe.
I snap my eyes back up to his and see that he’s looking a little nervous. I need to say something.
“Okay,” I say quietly. My brain is still working on overdrive, trying to process this conversation. I lightly play the notes to “Moonlight Sonata” on the table with my left hand, trying to work out how to respond.
“So,” I begin, “If this is true, if you’ve liked me for a long time…” He nods in affirmation, encouraging me to continue.
I swallow a lump in my throat. “Why are you just now telling me?”
Mateo looks down with a sad smile. He pauses for a beat before answering. “You know, Adams didn’t exactly keep it a secret among the guys in Arrow that he had a crush on you.”
I feel the blood rush to my face.
“I’m not saying he ever explicitly told guys to stay away from you, but there was always this sense he projected that we should back off because he was going to ask you out,” Mateo pauses, fiddling with his coffee cup. “And you, um, it seemed like you probably reciprocated his interest.”
I’m for sure crimson by now. Bright Christmas red.
“So I tried to respect that, even though I had feelings for you,” Mateo concludes.
I move my hands to my lap so I can more aggressively play the piano on my thigh, trying to appear a little less manic. Even though he’s already pointed out that he knows I do this.
“Then what changed now?” I ask.
He blows out a breath. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you all summer. Being at the Summer Project without you there, it just amplified the difference in my mind between you and the other girls. I mean, they’re great, I’m not trying to say anything negative about them. But they mostly just seem to be following the path that Arrow guides you on without exploring other ways to care about people. Meanwhile, you were spending the summer helping your mom with refugees and advocating for immigration legislation in D.C., and I found myself thinking about you constantly.” Mateo’s eyes narrow and his jaw starts working. “So, I was already feeling really conflicted about continuing to hold off on pursuing you, and then at the Lake Games, I saw your face after Adams pulled that stunt and made you feel…” He pauses.
