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The phone buzzes again, and this time, I can't ignore the call. It's Lila.
“Hey,” I say, trying to sound normal.
“Fredrick, are you okay?” she asks, her voice edged with concern.
I fumble for a lie, then sigh. “I don't know,” I say, rubbing my temples. I feel like my whole world is falling apart.
“Do you want me to come over?”
I do, but her words still echo in my mind, bringing me more pain. How could I have been so wrong? “No,” I say.
“What happened?” She sounds confused.
“My dad left me a letter.”
Silence.
“Oh. What did he say?”
I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “Nothing important.”
In spite of everything, I wish she was here. I want to feel her arms around me, her warmth and comfort, to breathe in her soft scent.
“How can I help?” she asks.
I lift my shoulders. I have no idea what anyone could do to help me now. But the truth is clear; I should never have come home for his funeral. I should have let him die a long time ago and banished him from my mind.
“Talk to me,” she whispers.
“I don't even know where to start.” I feel lost.
“Start wherever you like.” Her words are kind, but she doesn't understand. And I don’t know how to make her understand.
“Maybe it’s time to forgive him,” she says. “Forgive them.”
My lip curls at the suggestion. “After everything they’ve done, they don't deserve my forgiveness.”
“But if you hold onto this, Fredrick, it’ll destroy you.”
I think about how strong she’d been when facing her father. But there’s a vast difference between walking away like an ass and my father’s calculated, ugly decisions.
“You’re right,” I say.
But she doesn't sound relieved. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come over there?”
It’s just chemistry. Attraction. A fake engagement.
“I’m sure,” I say. “Have a good night, Lila.”
Chapter Twenty
Lila
I sit on the edge of my bed, staring down at my phone, waiting for a message from Fredrick that I know won't come.
My lips sting as my teeth find and tear a tiny sliver of skin. The salty taste of blood follows. I know I screwed up by telling him that all that was between us is chemistry and attraction. My mind replays our date, every moment crystal clear in my mind’s eye. The way he’d made me comfortable. Our shared laughter. The easy, playful tone he’d set and held until I messed things up...
“Hey,” Alex says as he walks into my room. “What's up? You look like you're in a daze.”
