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“Not really.”
My fingers finally released him, and I reached for his scotch and took a sip. The burn in the back of my throat was appreciated. So much so that I took another drink.
“God, that’s fucking hot.”
I paused midair, the cup halfway between my mouth and the bar. “What I said is hot?”
“No, that you just took a drink from my glass.”
“I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t even think to ask?—”
“Lily, you can put your mouth on anything of mine.”
My face flushed as I set the tumbler back on the bar top.
“I’m going to continue to be honest with you,” he added, “and say this situation isn’t something I’ve ever navigated before.”
He moved a piece of hair off the side of my face. Just that small, intimate gesture, the ends of his fingers grazing my skin, was enough to ignite these tiny fires inside me. And the base of those fires was building a heat between my legs.
“I’ve never asked for a woman’s number before.”
“You haven’t?”
He chuckled, not because he seemed to find it funny, but to emphasize his point. “I’ve never even been close to asking … until you.”
“Seriously?” I held up my hand. “I’m sorry. I just find that really surprising, given how many women I’m guessing you’ve been with.”
“My entire life, I’ve only ever wanted one thing from them. Once I get it, I’m out. It’s a routine, you could say. I don’t know what the fuck you did to me—maybe you played things just right, maybe it’s that you don’t want anything from me, maybe it’s knowing that I can’t have you—but I can’t stop thinking about you.” He pierced his bottom lip with his teeth, releasing it to say, “You not wanting us to hook up again or to go out on a date or for me to even have your number, well, given my past, I’d say that’s just fucking ironic.”
That admission made my eyes burn. It made my chest ache.
For reasons I couldn’t explain.
For reasons he would never understand.
Why?
“Why is that, Lily?”
The question hit hard, but it wasn’t unexpected.
He deserved an answer.
Maybe not the whole story, but certainly more than I was complicated, although that description was accurate. I couldn’t break it all down—there was too much—and given that knowledge was power, I refused to let Brady hold any when it came to this situation.
This was my mess. No one else’s.
But I could at least offer some type of explanation that would show him this had nothing to do with my feelings for him. Because those existed even if I couldn’t do anything about them.
I unhooked my fingers, balancing them on my knees, and I swiveled the chair until my body was aimed at him.
I didn’t know how I was going to get through this.
But I had to try.
Even if it was a topic I never discussed. Not with Aubrey. Not with anyone.
“It’s been a year since I dated, and to tell you the truth, it’s been that long since I even considered dating anyone. The thought of being with a man and getting involved again”—my head shook; my body recoiled—“that isn’t something I’ve wanted. In fact, I’ve avoided men completely so I wouldn’t send the wrong message or create an opportunity like the one that occurred between us.”
