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I needed it to sink so far into my head that it would burn the memories of her.
“Yes.”
It was that easy for her, to just disappear, the two times we’d been together completely meaningless.
Yet this woman had lived in my mind since the first time I had seen her.
She’d dominated my thoughts.
And in return, she didn’t want me.
So, I was going to make her feel as little and as shitty as I did.
“You know something, Lily? You read this situation all wrong.” I finally lifted my drink and shot back at least a finger’s worth. “You thought I asked for your number because I wanted to date you. That’s not it at all. I don’t date. I asked for it because I just wanted to fuck you again.”
She pushed herself to the end of the seat. “Brady?—”
“There’s nothing left for us to discuss.”
She held up her hand. “I didn’t?—”
“You can go back to the galley now.” I nodded toward that section of the plane. “And I don’t need you to check on me for the rest of the flight.”
SIXTEEN
Lily
It was easier to make Brady hate me than to tell him he shouldn’t want anything to do with me. Easier to feel the anger radiate from his body than feel the disappointment if I’d told him I couldn’t cave on my decision.
What I’d said to him was the truth.
But I hadn’t told him why.
Why I was running. Why I couldn’t want him.
Why I was this emotionally unavailable, complicated disaster.
Since he’d dismissed me to the back of the plane, acting as though he was tired of even looking in my direction, it didn’t even matter at this point.
What he didn’t know was that I was sensitive. That the conversation we’d had, even though it was short and semi-cryptic because I hadn’t explained myself, hurt. It was painful to admit what I’d done.
That even though I wanted to wake up in his bed tomorrow, that I wanted to go out on dates with him, that I wanted to explore what was happening between us, I couldn’t.
And I didn’t even have a chance to apologize.
Nor did I attempt to through the remainder of the flight or when we disembarked or got into the same vehicle to ride to the hotel.
The silence was so thick that I couldn’t fill my lungs until I was alone in my room, my back pressed against the locked door, the view through the large window taunting me.
The whys.
They weren’t just thrumming their regular beat; they were throbbing like techno through my entire body.
Of course, being back in Edinburgh only made everything feel worse. So did knowing he was staying somewhere in this hotel and that we had a return flight together tomorrow afternoon, where we’d be in close quarters for far too many hours.
But here, in Scotland, we had only one full day, and all of it was going to be spent alone in my room.
Except for the few minutes when I rushed down to the lobby to pick up the food I’d ordered. On my way back to the elevator, as I was passing the bar that was just to the side of the lobby, I couldn’t help but notice Brady. He was sitting in the center, both arms resting on the bar top, with a small glass of what I assumed to be scotch in front of him.
