Page 144 of The Sinner


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I searched his eyes for what he wasn’t telling me.

But before I could really look deep, he was reaching into his nightstand again, this time returning with a black business card. On it, written in white ink, was what looked like a phone number.

“This is the man who’s going to make David stop.”

I glanced from the number to Brady and back, several times, waiting for the meaning behind those words to hit me. “What are you saying?”

He took the card from me and held my palms together, surrounding the backs of my hands while our gazes were fixed. “David gave me an ultimatum. But I’m not giving you up, and I’m not letting him hurt anyone or anything I care about. I’m taking back the control. I’m putting a fucking end to this.”

What?

How?

And then it hit me.

Not like a slap. Not even like a punch to the nose.

This was ammunition that shot straight between my eyes.

“You’re telling me that man, the one whose number is on the card, is going to …” I couldn’t even say the words. They wouldn’t come out of my mouth.

“Yes, Lily. That man is going to kill David.”

I couldn’t move.

My head wouldn’t even nod or shake.

That was how frozen I was.

And when I blinked, nothing came out of my eyes. Not a single drip. Even those had halted.

The only thing that was happening within me was his statement repeating over and over in my head.

Like the record was skipping.

Like my finger was slamming on the rewind button.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about tonight,” he said. “That’s why I told you I would normally just make the decision, but I can’t do that to you. I need you to be a part of it.”

I tried to pull in enough air to say, “Do you understand what just came out of your mouth? What you’re saying?” I tried to swallow. I tried to stop the screaming inside my body. “You want me to just be able to say yes? We’re talking about a person’s life!”

“A person who’s trying to destroy us, Lily. The person who’s not going to give up until he gets what he wants. I’ll say it a hundred more times if I have to—I’m not going to let that happen.”

“So, you’re just going to kill—” I put my hand on my throat. “I can’t even voice it out loud. I think I’m going to be sick …”

“Listen to me.” His hands moved to my knees as he knelt in front of me. “You don’t have to make the decision. That’s on me. I just need you to be aware of it. I need you to know why I’m doing it. I need you to be able to look me in the eyes and know I’m doing this for us. Because, so help me God, if that motherfucker ever lays a finger on you, I will never forgive myself.” His voice was beginning to get deeper, rougher, louder.

How could he say this to me?

How could I even give him an answer?

How could I make a decision this large?

A decision that would affect someone’s life.

Even if he’d hurt me. Even if he’d made things hell for me. Even if he was the worst person in the world.

I swallowed, the lump so large that my throat was on fire. “I can’t …”

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