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Oh. Shit. Of course he did. “What happened?”
He half shook his head. “I don’t want to burden you with it.”
“You’re not. I want to know.”
He scrutinized her eyes, as though debating whether to expand on his experience. He must have seen her determination and sighed. “We were doing a peace-keeping mission and came across a family. They looked distraught. I had two of my men stay to try to comfort and assure them we’d get them to safety, while I went and checked out any broader threats.
“I’d hardly made it outside of the bombed, condemned building when an explosion threw me and the rest of my crew across the sand, instantly killing the guys who’d stayed behind.
“The blast originated internally, with the supposedly distressed ‘family’—decoys more like it—right where I’d been standing not even two minutes beforehand.” His gaze lifted to the sky as though it could give him some much-sought-after strength. “I lost part of my family that day. I’d made a huge error in judgment and almost killed my whole team. I should have had their backs. I should have been less emotional and more practical.”
She touched his cheek, his eyes distant. “That’s awful…horrific—living in war zones, dealing with the constant stress and hazards and loss of lives, having to make potentially life-changing decisions in a split second.
“I can only imagine how hard that is. But you’re not responsible. You made choices based on the circumstances, on the information you were given. How could you know it was a trap? You were trying to help, do the right thing—and that’s admirable.”
“Is it? I made an unatonable mistake. I let my emotions get the better of me, and people died—people close to me, people I loved. And I can never get them back.”
She stared at him, his facial expression full of anguish. “It doesn’t mean that you ignore your instincts or go too hard the other way to try to overcompensate. That can cause issues, too.
“Learning from the past is as important as focusing on the present. Right now, we need a clear plan, something enticing enough to draw the culprit out without too much risk. We need to be smart, strategic and put the right safety measures in place.”
His gaze flicked to hers, and he studied her eyes, not quite looking convinced.
“It’s about balance—not being impulsive or over emotional. It’s about neutrally assessing and implementing. It’s about having a contingency if things don’t pan out as planned.. Whatever we decide on needs to prevent the person from causing too much damage when caught, because they will thrash and scream and try to bargain.”
Alexander’s jaw clenched and a muscle spasmed, rippling through his sexy scruff. “They won’t succeed. I’ll make sure of that.”
“The point is not to put either of us in unnecessary danger.”
He clasped her face with gentle, loving hands and stared into her eyes. “That is the aim, but, just know, I’ll take a bullet for you. Whatever’s required. You’re important to me. Beyond important.”
“You’re important to me, too, so don’t do something stupid. Don’t put yourself at avoidable risk, trying to be a hero. I need you to stay alive. We both need to.”
His unwavering stare held so much potency, affection and adoration, she almost cried. “I love you.” His voice cracked, his tone full of absolute conviction.
“I love you, too. And I don’t want anything to jeopardize that, not one single thing. So you better not fuck it up.”
A grin tugged at his lips. “I won’t ever fuck up with you again. I promise.”
“I know.” She loved a smart, fit, muscly man in uniform…or out of it—someone willing to risk his life to protect his country, to protect others. Alexander still did all that, even though he’d been discharged from service.
Would his protective nature put him at increased risk? Probably. Most likely. It’s what he did, what he’d spent the best part of his career doing. Emotionally, they were both compromised. However, he’d well and truly done his duty and paid the PTSD price. She wanted him to heal, not revert into that dark solitary place.
Sage took a deep breath and exhaled the escalating anxiety. “So what’s the plan?”
“Wait for the next communication and say you want to meet to talk.”
“Then?”
“I come with you, and we sort it out.”
“What if they demand I go alone?”
“I’ll tail you and stay way behind, enough for me to see you without being obvious. If they’re smart, they’ll request somewhere secluded they believe they can escape from if things don’t go as expected. They’ll have somewhere in mind and use a reason they assume you can’t argue with…so don’t.
“Wherever it is, I’ll be right behind you. I’ll put a tracking device on your car and hide one in your clothes. That way, even if you’re forced away from your vehicle or your mobile is confiscated, I can still find you.”
“Okay.” Sort of. Initially she’d been flying on adrenaline, buoyed by the need for a resolution, but now the stark reality of their predicament made her feel incredibly exposed and vulnerable. However, they’d run out of other options. This strategy seemed their best, highest-probability bet to flush the person out. She just hoped the perp was inexperienced and all talk.
