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But it’s hopeless. We’re both sinking beneath the waves of pleasure, drowning, struggling for air.
The sensation feels eternal and when it finally begins to subside, Nolan collapses. He pulls me against his chest. He whispers to me that I’m so pretty. He tells me that he loves fucking me. He says that, in a minute, he’s going to do it all over again.
The whole time as he speaks, his fingertips affectionately trace along my hipbone, making swirls and little doodles on my skin.
I don’t know what’s going on with him. I don’t recognize this version of Nolan Brighton. The version who’s vocal and communicating his feelings tonight.
A part of me wonders about the guy who was emotionally unavailable. Where’d he go? Because at least I knew what to expect with him. At least I knew he’d shut me out in the cold anytime I got too close to him. At least I knew to carry a scarf and an extra pair of mittens just in case. At least I knew how to protect myself against him.
But this guy who’s touching me softly and whispering quiet praises into my crazy hair? He’s the most dangerous version of Nolan. Because he’s the easiest to fall for.
I finally understand what he meant when he said we’re setting ourselves up for disaster. Because I feel myself spiraling in a windstorm of emotions, bracing for impact.
I’m falling-falling-falling. What if he’s not there to catch me? What happens if he lets me hit the ground?
30
NOLAN
Ihaven’t felt this way in a long while. Lying in the cocoon of my bed with the woman I’m crazy about curled up against my chest.
For years, I couldn’t even admit to myself that I wanted Inez. In my mind, she was so far outside of my league. I’d made peace with it. I’d accepted it. But now, she’s here in my bed, clinging to me like there’s nowhere in this world she’d rather be.
And everything about this night is perfect.
I draw my fingertip across the expanse of her thigh, slowly tracing letters. All the things I’m too coward to say aloud to her, I trace them on her skin.
P.
I love the way her arms feel around me. She holds me so tight, like she needs me to survive.
E.
Her kisses take my breath away. hungry, wild, desperate. The woman kisses like she’s starving for me.
R.
The little sounds she makes are addictive. Hearing her moan for me gets me high like a drug.
F.
And her body is so expressive. The way she squirms and clenches and arches her back. The way she completely drenched my sheets with her desire.
E.
I’m hypnotized by the way she looks at me, those pretty eyes dazed and desperate.
C.
This woman is absolutely perfect in every way.
T.
Inez Machado could have any man in this town, any man in Hollywood, too. But she looks at me like I’m the only one she would even consider.
She’s perfect, perfect, perfect.
And now that I’ve fucked her, Everything is different in my mind. All I keep thinking is I’ve got to keep her for good. I don’t care that I don’t deserve her. I don’t care that she can do better than me.
