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Meanwhile, Rainbow starts picking out fresh ingredients and wordlessly placing them into a paper sack. Even though she doesn’t say a thing, she’s suppressing a knowing smile and I can sense the wheels spinning in her head.
All of a sudden, I can’t help but feel self-conscious. Like I’m doing something wrong. She’s judging me. Everybody’s judging me.
My cheeks burn with embarrassment. “What…?” I mumble.
“Nothing, moonbeam,” she says, her tone perfectly pleasant and even. Then she tries to change the subject. “You should give him a few shots of my immune system boosting tonic. Garlic, turmeric and ginger with a splash of lemon. And some other secret ingredients I can’t disclose in public.” She winks. “That virus will be gone by the morning. It does the trick every time.” She adds a glass bottle with a thick, lumpy yellow liquid to my shopping bag.
“Thanks…” I say.
As she continues slipping items into the bag, I linger there, keeping one eye on Stella. She’s happily watching the puppet show taking place just a few feet away.
I can’t resist the need to explain myself. Rainbow is like a second mom to everyone in this town, so that makes me feel like I can talk to her. I can trust her.
“I bet you think I’m crazy just like everyone else does,” I tell Rainbow, my voice low.
“No,” she says simply. “I don’t think you’re crazy.”
“Seriously, though. What if I’m the red flag in this whole equation? I mean, I went on that reality show thinking I wanted a lifelong commitment. And then I found someone who was willing to give me exactly what I wanted and I ran away. So maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’ve been lying to myself all along.”
She wags her head from side to side. “You’re not a red flag, Inez.”
“Are you sure about that? I’m probably the only girl left in this whole town who hasn’t had some kind of serious relationship. How does a girl get to the age of twenty-five without having at least one serious boyfriend?”
“It’s because you know your worth. And you weren’t willing to accept anything less. It’s because you know that you were born to shine, not to settle.”
“Born to shine?” I scoff. “I sure don’t feel like it.”
Rainbow sighs roughly. “Accept the compliment, moonbeam. Say thank you.”
“Thank you,” I mumble. I cringe because sometimes, hearing nice things about myself feels so uncomfortable.
Goddammit. Why does everything have to be so hard? I just want my trauma to go away so I can fall in love and have babies and be happy and shit. Is that too much to ask?
Fine—I know that’s not how life works but it would sure be nice to catch a break sometime soon.
I let out a tired sigh. “Maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe it’s because I was put in the system at such a young age. Maybe my head is all messed up. I mean, Vance is the hottest bachelor in America, and I couldn’t make myself fall in love with him. I ran away from the life he was offering me. So, yeah—maybe my head is all messed up.”
Rainbow shakes her head, handing over the large sack of fresh veggies. I put a twenty in her hand.
“Or maybe…maybe your heart is already spoken for,” she says compassionately. “Maybe your love already belongs to someone else.”
I stand there, frozen, trying to come to terms with the possibility that she might be right.
I do have feelings for Nolan. Feelings that are stronger than I’d like to admit. Maybe that is what’s been holding me back all along.
Before I can overthink things, Stella is at my side, pulling on my hand. “Can we get Daddy a cookie? Maybe a chocolate chip cookie will help him feel better?”
“Yeah, that might be a good idea.” I nod. “We can get one on the way home.” I bring my attention back to the kind vendor. “Thanks again, Rainbow. We’re gonna get going.”
“Anytime, darlings.” As we’re leaving, she places a big, juicy tangerine into Stella’s hand and the little girl squeals out a ‘thank you’.
With a smile, Rainbow gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t worry about the gossips around town, Inez. Nobody’s opinion matters but your own. People will always overstep your boundaries, if you let them. The world will always demand more and more from you, without giving a fair return. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is, put your best interests first. Make peace with being the bad guy.”
I smile in return, feeling that in my bones. “Right…”
Stella and I walk off, hand in hand, heading for the local bakery. We buy a few fresh-baked cookies and a loaf of bread to go with our soup.
And the whole way home, I think about Rainbow’s words. Maybe my heart is already spoken for. Maybe it belongs to Nolan.
