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‘Wow, they are desperate,’ Gibitah says suddenly.
‘Who is?’ I ask curiously.
‘The LSDCATS. Look at their blatant attempt to get celebrity involvement.’
We crowd round Gibitah’s phone, looking at the screen.
@TheatreGeek: Rumour has it that @LaibaSiddiqi is going to be starring in @TheLSDCATS play. Everyone who wants this to happen should show their support below!
‘They’re clearly using a third party to try and strong-arm her into agreeing – it’s like emotional blackmail,’ Anushka rants.
‘Unless it’s true …’ David says, and in unison we all look at Zayan, who stares back at us defensively.
‘What?’ he asks.
‘Seems like you would know,’ Ben says leadingly, as I try to school my expression into one of complete nonchalance.
For so long now, I’ve avoided asking about his past relationship, but now, standing here, I find myself desperate to hear what he has to say about Laiba.
‘Why would I know?’ Zayan says obtusely.
‘Because you dated her,’ I finally erupt, tired of going in circles.
The group takes a little step back.
Faint amusement lines Zayan’s mouth, and the sight of it irritates me. ‘Exactly, dated, past tense. I have zero connection to her now.’
‘Zero? I find that a little hard to believe. You two were –’
‘Were nothing,’ he interrupts firmly, all traces of humour now gone. ‘I’ll give you the very short, very unnecessary rundown: Laiba and I were together for a year. If you can even call it being together. We had extremely different schedules; I saw her a couple of times a month. But then, one day, she just broke up with me.’
I reel slightly; the narrative has always been that their break-up was explosive. Something awful must have happened behind closed doors for them to break up the way they did. Clearly the group has the same thought, because we all wait with bated breath for the rest of Zayan’s explanation.
‘But why?’ David asks tentatively.
Zayan shrugs, clearly uncomfortable but soldiering through it. ‘I’ve never known why. One day she was with me, and then she left.’
‘And you never sought her out?’ I ask. ‘Didn’t you want to ask?’
Zayan rubs his forehead tiredly, like this entire conversation exhausts him. ‘Of course I did, but it became pretty clear on her end that she didn’t want to talk to me. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that my career plummeted thanks to the TV series, and I wasn’t getting any new roles.’
Something painful cuts through my feelings at the thought of anybody leaving Zayan because he wasn’t successful enough for them.
‘Do you still love her?’ Gibitah asks, and I love her for voicing the question I’ve been too afraid to ask.
Anticipation beats in my blood like an erratic drum; Zayan’s face smooths out as he looks at Gibitah, his mask slipping into place.
Please don’t hide. Not now. Please.
‘You don’t have to answer that,’ Ben offers earnestly. ‘Seriously, this is getting a little deep –’
Zayan’s gaze finds mine, and just like that, he’s completely visible to me. No mask. No hiding. Not as he holds my stare with his own. ‘I’ve replayed mine and Laiba’s relationship in my mind like a movie and tried to nitpick when it all changed, and all I can think is that she was playing me from the beginning. I let her in, and she left. No reason. Nothing. And believe me, I know I’m vain, but I can’t help but think it’s something I did. Why else would she leave?’
I understand his conundrum keenly. The boy with a distant family. The boy with few friends. The boy with a cage round his heart, one of his own creation.
‘She left when I was at my lowest,’ he continues. His voice is disaffected, but I can see the cracks. He keeps our eyes locked; he wants me to see the honesty in his words. ‘And the feelings I once had, they’re gone. I’m not still hung up on Laiba. I don’t think I could be in love with her, not with –’
‘Oh my gosh, she tweeted back!’ Nur interrupts, and the moment shatters with the excitement of the group.
