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This was agonizing. It sat on the stone in my belly placed there when I had seen Gran. While I watched her in a similar scene. Mourning.
I was never great with heavy emotions. The ones that filled me without permission and took up every inch of space. The kind you couldn’t shake off and were forced to feel. I hated those kinds. They were always so heavy.
They made me feel small. Like a child unable to confront the monster they were. Unable to do anything but hide from them and hope that all too soon, they would be done with me.
Those emotions wrapped a vicious hand around my throat now, grip tight.
“I’m here,” I whispered as Abuela’s sobs intensified and my hands whipped up to cover my ears. “It’s not real. I’m here. I’m still alive. She hasn’t…” A sob stole my words and I tried to swallow through the tightness they brought, needing to say the words. “I’m here.”
A seed of doubt was planted in my mind and I wondered if that were true. What if it wasn’t? They said your life flashed before your eyes when you died. Was that what this was? One final look at the wreckage my decisions left behind and the people who would be forced to reckon with my consequences.
My hands pressed more tightly to my ears, doing their best to muffle the sound of her sorrow as I dropped to a crouch and shut my eyes, ready to wait out the monster.
* * *
Silence surrounded me. Gone were the painful cries of Abuela as I opened my eyes and looked at the back door of my house. I was on the deck, the barbecue covered beside me as I crouched behind it. Confusion dropped my brow as I slowly removed my hands and stood.
What is this?
Panicked breathing burst into the air as Alicia ran up the steps from the woods. Her chest was heaving, her shirt torn and her locs had fallen out of the pile atop her head where she usually kept them and curtained down her back. She didn’t spare me a single glance as her hand tapped the handle of my door and she lifted the cover and typed in my code. The door chimed and she slid it open, hurrying into the living room.
I followed behind her. “Alicia?” She looked so frantic. So unlike the calm woman I knew so well. “What’s wrong?”
She looked like she’d been through it as she stood there, just inside, shaking her hands anxiously at her sides. Her eyes were wide as she looked over the room.
I did too and my mouth gaped.
There were streaks of blood everywhere. My furniture was destroyed and there were scorch marks all over my walls. My chandelier rested on the carpet.
“What happened here?” I took a step forward needing to be closer to her. Needing to feel her to know what was going on. “Alicia?”
If only they could hear me.
My voice was like the wind here. It carried and sighed but had no substance.
Frustration forced tears from my eyes. This was worse than being sliced and diced by the witch. I would take physical blows over this any day. This haunting nothingness as I was forced to watch was as close to hell as I had come… so far.
“Rika?” Alicia’s voice was this wretched thing. Stretched too thin and full of holes where all her emotion got through. It broke my heart and forced me to press my fist to my chest. “Vi!”
Her feet jumped alive and she ran from the living room, continuing through my house as she peered into each room.
“Mani!”
I followed, helpless to do anything else.
There was no part of my house untouched. A war had happened there, one I wasn’t a part of. The scent in the air made bile rise from my stomach and sit in the back of my throat. Metallic and sharp.
My eyes widened as we reached my bedroom. I ran through her, transforming into smoke that came back together on the other side as she stood in the doorway. Her chest heaved and tears took slow, painful paths down her cheeks.
They were in a pile. It almost looked like they could be sleeping if Sarika’s eyes weren’t wide, dull and lifeless, looking out at us.
Hooves tapped against the floor pulling my attention as I looked up at the demon who stood behind them. He held Imani’s wrist, her body contorted atop the pile before he released her and let her drop like she was this worthless thing he didn’t care about.
It wasn’t my demon, I would know him anywhere.
This demon was what I thought mine would be back before I knew who he was. He was dark promises of pain. He was unforgiving eyes that wanted nothing more than our agony. And he got it as Alicia collapsed. Her legs folded haphazardly out beside her as she braced a palm on the floor and just watched. Shock transformed her features into a vulnerable mess that brought fresh tears to my eyes.
She said nothing as she sat there just as I could say nothing.
