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This morning, breakfast was more of the same. I figure it will take time before Ben thinks we’re not some pricks out to destroy his family.
It flays me that Cammie and Ben don’t trust me, that someone taught them that they weren’t worthy of love. That fucking asshole had their hearts first, and he chose not to protect them. I want to destroy him for taking that from us, for leaving me with the pieces. But fuck do I want to see this family whole, to know what they look like when they feel safe and loved.
Ben slides the paper over for me to check. This time, he doesn’t have anything that needs fixing.
“Awesome, bud. You got them all this time.” I raise my hand for a high five, and he looks at me as if I’m the least cool person on Earth. No sweat. “Let’s go toss the ball in the backyard while Finn finishes? I need to stretch and smell outside after all that brainwork.”
If it were possible to have a death stare, this would be my funeral. “I don’t want to throw a ball with you.”
Emmaline calls from the stool, “Ben doesn’t play baseball no more.”
Curious. No more means did. Which means there’s a story there. “That’s okay. We can eat dinner and then go for a bike ride before bed.”
“I don’t have a bike,” he mumbles.
“You can use mine,” Finn offers. “It might be a little big, but I think it will work.”
“You have a bike?”
“Yup. Reid and I ride the trails out by the lake on the weekends when it’s not so hot,” Finn explains while he cooks.
“I didn’t know adults rode bikes,” he murmurs, putting his homework back into his bag. He’s angry, that’s for sure, but he’s also careful to clean up after himself, overly so. He goes to put the bag back in his room, but Finn stops him.
“Lunchbox, please. Your mom told me what to pack. I got the right stuff for tomorrow.”
“I’m gonna check on mom.” He grunts then hands it over before scurrying from the room. By the time he returns twenty minutes later, everyone is gathered at the table to eat.
I pick our conversation back up, eager to find out if biking is something we can all do. “How did you learn to ride?”
“My mom. But she never had her own bike,” Ben says around a mouthful of spaghetti.
“We’ll have to ask her if she likes to ride when she’s feeling better. I know some trails I could take you to that are fun to ride because of all the mud.”
Emmaline jumps up and down in her seat, waving her fork. “Knights and dragons love mud!”
“I don’t know if you’re ready for that all by yourself just yet,” Finn says. “But I can get you a seat so you can ride along.”
“Yes! Mud!” Em dances, taking another slurping bite of spaghetti. She’s covered in it.
Everyone laughs along with her, getting caught up in her excitement, even Ben.
I press his good mood. “We could go there this weekend if you want. One of us can stay back and take care of your mom while the rest of us can get out in the sunshine.”
Finn adds in, “You could take them and then we can go for a swim when you get back?”
“You have a pool?” Emmaline squeals.
“No, but one of my sisters does, and she lives only a few streets away. She’s got kids your age too,” Finn explains.
We spend the rest of dinner talking about possible weekend plans and quizzing the kids on things they like. I take an excited Emmaline and a grumbling Ben for a walk to the park while Finn stays back to clean up.
When we get home, I trade off with Finn, who starts them on bedtime, while I check in on Cammie. She’s curled up in the center of our bed, the newly constructed nest Finn built piled high around her. I place the tray of soup Finn made for her on the nightstand and measure out the next round of meds.
“Smells good,” she says weakly. She rolls over and pushes herself up, which obviously takes some effort.
“Good. Let’s take your temperature, and then you can eat some for me.” I fluff the pillows behind her while she holds the thermometer under her tongue.
She’s still got a fever, and I hand over another dose of meds.
