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“I’m…not sure.” Her words were intoxicating as they were unsettling. A promise of a world both beautiful and terrifying. A life that transcended the boundaries of this mortal existence. Bound together with Carmilla forever. My mind conjured images of endless nights spent with Carmilla, our laughter echoing through moonlit orchards, stolen touches and kisses.
"You mustn’t," said Carmilla. Her eyes, so dark they seemed to hold the secrets of the universe, narrowed at me. "You mustn’t be bound by the limitations of your mortality."
The way she spoke, the intensity in her gaze, sent a thrill of curiosity and a flicker of fear through me. This was madness, this conversation, these thoughts, all of it. Yet in Carmilla's eyes, I caught a reflection of my own yearning, a longing for something beyond the confines of my current world.
"Carmilla,” I said, my voice barely above a breath, “what are you saying?”
She leaned closer, soft lips brushing my ear. Her breath, cool and scented with something faintly floral, prickled the hairs of my neck. “I’m saying that I’ll never be content with these stolen moments with you. Even a lifetime would be hard to bear.” Her voice dropped low, soft as the rustle of moth wings. “Only forever could be enough.”
She pressed a kiss on the hollow of my throat, and I stepped back from her, trembling. I yearned for her closeness, but a specter of danger lurked in the shadows of her affection. Like a serpent coiled around a rose.
“Why must you say things like this? Why must you make me feel these unspeakable things?”
"Because," she said, her eyes locking with mine, “I love you.”
The word, a simple declaration, hung heavy in the air, a double-edged sword that promised both salvation and ruin. I stared into Carmilla’s eyes, desperately searching for what I didn’t know. Instead, I saw a reflection of my own turmoil and something else mirrored in the depths of her gaze. Love.
I loved her too.
“Carmilla,” I whispered, “whatever can come out of these feelings?”
“Many things, if you only let yourself.”
I let out a forced laugh. “I can understand how Eve succumbed to temptation in the garden of Eden.”
“I am no serpent leading you astray.”
“Don't you see?” I said, my voice raw. "You've turned me into someone I no longer recognize, inflaming my thoughts–spurring me on relentlessly.”
“I cannot take credit for your transformation. You had the predilection all along. I merely was the wind that fueled the fire..."
I bit my lip, wanting to retort. But I had nothing to say when she was damnably right.
The truth echoed within me like a song I’d always known the words to. Being with Carmilla had awakened something in me, something that had lay dormant and untouched until now. Being with her was like stepping out of a dimly lit room into blinding sunlight, disorienting at first, but revealing the world in vivid color. The realization had been unfolding like a flower in slow motion. My old understanding of myself had cracked open like a seed, revealing a tender shoot reaching for a light I hadn't known existed. Past moments with female friends crystallized like forgotten photographs, their smiles and shared glances taking on a new, brighter meaning.
“The only way to rid yourself of temptation is to yield to it. Why must you deny it, Laura?” The question pierced me, the words exposing a raw nerve.
My unspoken desires were slumbering, longing to bloom, but constantly pruned and restrained. Until now. Carmilla was the rainstorm that coaxed the secret garden to unfurl, petal by petal.
“Carmilla,” I whispered, and her name came out like a dark confession. I brushed the cool porcelain of her cheek. “You make me feel so many things that it terrifies me.”
She tilted her head, her eyes gleaming obsidian under the moonlight. "Fear is a curious thing. Sometimes it’s a coiled viper, fangs bared in warning. Other times, it's a trembling butterfly, its wings desperate to explore the unknown." Her breath ghosted across my lips. "Fear is natural, but denial is a cage that only imprisons, little butterfly."
Carmilla was close, but leaned no more, only waited as her words unraveled me. And then I understood. She wanted me willingly or not at all.
I bridged the distance between us and met her lips. Her mouth unfurled like a rose. Her kiss was both the sanctuary and the storm. My resistance to Carmilla crumbled like sandcastles under a tide, overpowered by a force I could no longer control. Her hands were in my hair, the small of my back; my hands were on her waist, pulling her closer. My skin tingled under her touch, like a thousand flowers awakening at their roots; her lingering fingers made them bloom.
“Carmilla…” I broke for air, but her pomegranate-red lips latched onto mine again.
"No, let me steal your breath, darling," she murmured against my mouth. "I want to hold it captive between my teeth. Only another kiss could tempt me to set it free."
Her kiss deepened, and I disappeared into it. Our tongues settled into a slow, deliberate waltz, an exploration that spoke of unspoken questions and a need for something more than just answers. The taste of her lingered as she pulled away.
“Tell me,” she said, her breath hot against my cheek. “Can he give you this?”
My arms tightened around her. “I don’t even want to think of him.”
She smiled and pressed her lips against mine once more. "You taste like moonlight, darling. Sweet, wild, and something born of stars.”
