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Nancy rubs my back in a reassuringly maternal kind of way, and it’s just what I need to know what I need to do. I’m not the same person I was back in Charleston, and I will never be that guy ever again. It’s time to make that abundantly clear to the one person who never listens.
I smell my dad’s cologne before I walk through my office door. The expensive kind that smells cheap. Or maybe it just smells soulless. Either way. Jack Winters has made himself at home at my desk reading through my files and contracts.
“I’d tell you those are confidential, but I doubt that would stop you from reading,” I say dryly.
Dad’s lips twitch as he closes the file he was reading. “I’d tell you that you did good work, but why lie to you? You’re wasting your talents writing small time contracts.”
There was a time not that long ago that those words would have destroyed me. All I wanted was to do good work to be seen as worthy, but I happen to like the work I do here at Lexington. I work with good people who want to help others. It’s not all about the payout.
Dad’s steely blue eyes meet mine. “What are you doing here, Mark? Ridgeview, really? Working in some small-time law office? You were about to be partner! The youngest in the history of the firm!” He lets out a frustrated breath. “I don’t understand how you could give all that up. And for what?”
I take a deep breath to collect my thoughts. As much as I have been avoiding this conversation, I know it needs to happen. I need to say this. “I know you don’t understand. And maybe I don’t fully understand it either, but I like it here. I like working at Lexington. I like helping smaller independent companies, and I like writing contracts. And I like being back in Ridgeview. I like being able to see the people who matter most to me more than just on the occasional holiday. Not that you would care, but we actually had a family dinner the other night. Just the three of us kids and Mom. When’s the last time you ever had time for that?”
“So that’s it. Your mother finally got to you,” Dad says cooly. It makes something inside of me snap.
“You don’t get to talk about her that way.” I seethe. “She’s done nothing to you. Even after everything you put her—us—through, she still goes out of her way to not say anything negative about you. And trust me, there’s plenty of negative things she could say that no one would contend.”
“Now, Mark, there’s no need to raise your voice. You aren’t a child anymore.”
“You’re right, I’m not. I’m not the same kid who idolized you and would do anything to make you notice them. Or the one you abandoned the one and only time you invited me and Jonathan to your apartment after the divorce. I’m not the teenager who had to pretend he wasn’t disappointed when you didn’t show up to a game you promised you would come to or try and make a big show for my little brother so he didn’t notice that you didn’t come to yet another one of his plays. I’m not even the same broken mess I was when my knee injury ended my baseball career. I grew up, Dad. I changed. But you know who’s never changed?” Dad gives me a humorless smile. “You.”
“Are you done?”
I make a point of wiping my hands in front of me before putting them up in surrender. “Completely.”
Dad stands up, buttons his suit jacket, adjusts his cufflinks, then strides towards me. He places his hand firmly on my shoulder and fixes me with a hard stare. “You think you know so much more than me, but you’ll see. This place, it’s too small for someone of your caliber. If you stay here, you’ll drown. You won’t reach your potential. You’ll fail. You’re just like me, Mark, we need bigger and better. We need to constantly be pushing ourselves for more.”
A complete sense of peace washes over me as I realize that nothing he just said hurt me. None of it made my mind race or give a second thought. I’m free. His opinion of me doesn’t matter. I don’t need his approval.
“No, Dad, I’m nothing like you. I never was. I was just so desperate for you to notice me that I became what you wanted me to. But I’m done. I don’t need your approval or your attention to know who I am. It’s taken me a long time to realize that I have the ability to love and am worthy to be loved, but I am. So, I guess in a way I have to thank you, because if I wouldn’t have left Charleston, I never would have come back to Ridgeview, and I would still be miserable.”
I hear all-too-familiar voices coming from the lobby.
“Hi, sweetie, I don’t know if now is a good time.”
“Is he in a meeting?” The voice comes closer, then my door opens, revealing Millie. Dad watches her assessingly, and I don’t like the look in his eyes.
“Oh!” Millie gasps. “Sorry, I’ll come back later.”
Before she can turn to leave Dad puts out a hand to stop her, and I swear if he lays one finger on her, I’ll help him remove it. “No need, Amelia. I was just hearing all about how my son, here, loves being back in Ridgeview.”
I step in front of her, blocking any access he might have to her. I’ve never known my father to lay a hand on anyone, but I’m not taking any chances.
“Have to admit it makes a whole lot more sense now.” He looks at me gleefully. He’s the Grinch deciding how he’s going to steal Christmas. “Of course it comes down to the Jacobsons. It always has. For you, your mother, even your brother.” He turns back towards Millie. “Now I will say, I didn’t think you had it in you to wrap both of my sons around your finger.”
“Leave her out of this,” I grit out.
Millie wraps her arm around mine. “Don’t,” she whispers, “he’s just trying to get a rise out of you. Just let it go. It isn’t worth it.”
I unclench my jaw and roll my shoulders.
With a satisfied smile, Dad strides out the door. “I do hope I didn’t start a lovers quarrel.”
I don’t dignify the dig with a response. A moment later I hear the front door open then close. He’s gone.
“Well, that was fun.” Millie says, way more chipper than the situation calls for. I know she’s just trying to break the tension, and I love her for it. I roll my shoulders as my breathing and heart rate begin to regulate.
Millie moves to face me, rubbing her hands up and down my arm. I’d say it made me feel like a puppy, but it’s soothing, and I don’t care. “How are you feeling?”
