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“You love her, don’t you?”
“Don’t be silly,” I tell my sister. “We just met.”
“But youobviously?—”
“Cut the crap, Ania.”
My voice comes out low and cruel. It sounds like the man I was when I resented Ania because I still thought I could care about my father and saw my sister as a stain on his marriage.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
Ania waves a hand, looking down at the table, clearly hurt but hiding it. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Yes, it is,” I tell her. “I shouldn’t speak to you like that. You don’t deserve it.”
“It’s my fault. Now’s not the time for jokes or being lighthearted or whatever.”
I move around the table, touching my sister’s arm. “Really. I’m sorry.” I’m unsure where this emotion comes from, but my voice gets husky. “… for everything.”
Ania squeezes my hand. “Thanks. Now go save our big brother, okay?”
Taking out my cell, I text Dimitri, telling him I’m ready, but it’s not true. Even when I get changed and head outside, I can’t stop thinking about the fact it’ll mean leaving Mila here. I’m caught between my brother and his wife-to-be. It feels surreal.
Outside, I lean against the sedan, trying not to run my hand through my hair more than once every few seconds. Dimitri finally emerges from the other house, stomping across the lawn. “Our father kept records of all the guards and their families,” he says when he reaches me.
“Yeah, and?”
“In case they ever turned against us. If that was why some of them stayed in line, could it work with us?” He seems almost manic as he speaks, his eyes glazed as though he’s seeing all the possible futures and ways this could go wrong. “They believed he would kill their wives and kids if they betrayed the Sokolovs, but wouldwedo that, Mikhail?”
He knows it’s a ridiculous question. “I’d never hurt a woman or a child.”
“Me neither.” He sighs, clapping me on the arm. “Which is why you need to stay here.”
We have a brief argument, but the truth is, I want to stay. I halfheartedly tell him that none of our guards are on the lists Mila and I have compiled, but I don’t argue hard. Maybe I should. Perhaps I’ll regret this. What would I regret more, though, losing Mila or my brother?
“Dammit, Dimitri.” I pull Dimitri into a fierce hug. I can’t even think about that question or let myself imagine what it would be like to lose my big brother. “Just be careful, all right?”
He ends the hug. “I will. Keep the women safe. Keep our sister safe.”
“I’ll always do that,” I tell him.
“Had a change of heart?”
I grit my teeth, thinking about our talk in the kitchen and the vulnerability in my sister’s eyes. Dimitri leaves, and I take a moment to stand at the front door, looking over the grounds and the desert beyond it. Guards patrol, all of them long-serving men. If our father and Nikolai planted somebody on this property, they planned itlongin advance.
Going back into the house, I find Mila sitting at her computer terminal, her headphones in, typing quickly. I walk over to her, about to put my hand on her shoulder, but then I see she’s stuck a note to the top of her computer terminal.
Do Not Disturb. Music blares from her headphones, her fingers moving with rapid speed.
Pride floods into me as I watch her, but it’s tinged with something else.Do Not Disturb, but she’s already disturbed everything about me, down to my sense of self. Not too long ago, I was content to program, travel, read, exist, and not think about the future. I never thought about a family, kids, weddings, or anything else regular men obsess over.
Walking across the room—after all, this is why our setups are on opposite sides—I sit down and get to work, too.
CHAPTER 11
MILA
Ilet the music flood my head as I hyper-fixate on the computer screen. I’ve always found that the only way to lose myself in work is to ignore everything else completely. Even when I feel the urge to pee, I hold it for as long as possible, not letting myself think about the implications of what we’re doing.
