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Not that I have anything against him, but he’s my past, and I don’t want to look back. I have no reason to.
“So what did you want to talk about?” I ask, studying him. He’s a good-looking man, but I don’t feel anything for him. Not even a smidge of attraction.
“I guess I just wanted some...closure, you know? I thought we were going well, and then I asked you to marry me and you kind of ran off,” he says, shrugging.
He wants closure, after he has already married someone else?
How odd.
“Well, I just think we weren’t right for each other, and you are obviously happily married now, so...” I say, forcing a smile.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. Coming here was a bad idea. I think I just wanted to know if there was anything I did specifically so that I can make sure not to be that way with my wife.”
I smile. Mark is a good guy. He never did anything wrong, never treated me wrong. I think I’ve been around bikers too long. I’m cynical and expect everyone to be like Victor, the man who Julianna was meant to marry, who turned out to be a monster. He went power hungry and subsequently “disappeared” after he killed Matthew, River and Corey’s brother.
“It wasn’t you, Mark. I just don’t think we were compatible in the long run.”
“But we dated for a year. I thought we were on the right path.”
As he says that, I realize he was in the same situation I am in with River. We’ve been together for a year, and I thought everything had been okay, up until it hit me that we are stuck in the same place. What does this mean? Does that mean River doesn’t see a future with me? Is that why we’ve been moving so slow?
As I’m having my mini freak-out, I realize Mark is waiting for a response, and for the first time, I feel like I really do owe him an explanation.
“Mark, we were great. And I thought we wanted the same things. But when you proposed, our life flashed before my eyes, and it just wasn’t what I saw for myself. I’m so sorry. I don’t think I realized you were more serious about the relationship than I was until that moment, and I do feel horrible.”
Mark nods and smiles. “Thank you. I think I’ve been holding on to...something. And that is really helpful for me to hear. I appreciate you saying this to me.”
We make small talk for another ten minutes, and I ask about his wife and their wedding. I find that I do miss the easy conversation he and I used to have. He uses the bathroom before getting up to leave.
“This was nice. Thank you for stopping by,” I say, and mean it.
“Maybe we can actually be friends,” he says with a wave before going to his car.
When he’s gone, I close the door and lean back on it, trying not to imagine that I’m Mark in my current situation.
And then I get a text from River.
River: Who the fuck was that at your door?
Brow furrowing, I glance around trying to figure out how the fuck he would know that.
Bella: Where are you?
River: At the clubhouse. Now answer my question.
Bella: Not until you explain.
River: I have someone drive around now and again to make sure you’re all right.
That is both cute and kind of invasive.
Bella: You have no boundaries, do you?
River: Can never be too careful in our world.
Bella: I have cameras.
I consider myself an independent woman, but I’m also not an idiot. This world of ours is dangerous, and you always have to be prepared. Especially after everything that happened with Julianna last year.
