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“Good,” I say after a little hesitation. “He’s been busy with the MC. You know how it is.”
“But I mean, he’s coming home every night, right?” she asks, still focused on her beverage, unable to look at me. “And you two are happy?”
I purse my lips and realize there is no point in lying to her. “No, he’s not home a lot, to be honest with you. He stays at the clubhouse a fair bit.”
It’s embarrassing to admit, even to my best friend who was born into this life and would understand more than anyone. Rhett used to come home late, but he’d still come home. Now not so much. He says that it’s just easier to stay there.
She stirs her straw a few more times. “I’m going to say something and it’s something I’ve never said before to you, but before I do, I want you to give me the benefit of the doubt and remember that killing me will leave your goddaughter motherless.”
I stick out my tongue at her. “Yeah, yeah, go on. Say what you want.”
She takes a deep breath. “The MC will always come first to him, but that means you will always come in second. Do you think that you will be okay with that? For the rest of your life?”
My eyes widen, not expecting her to ask that. She, like me, grew up in this world. It’s all that we have ever known. Love the man, love the club. “I knew what I was getting into.”
“That’s not what I asked. Cara, it’s me. And you know I’m always going to be honest with you. I just want to make sure that you are happy.”
Happy.
“I’ve seen how you are with Fire—you’re going to be a wonderful mother someday. Have you and Rhett spoken about starting a family?” she presses when I stay silent, still pondering her words. “Or maybe getting married at some point?”
We did, when we were younger, but haven’t in a while.
Happy.
I’m still stuck on that word.
Am I happy?
“I love Rhett,” I manage to say. “I don’t know. My mom always stood by Dad even when it got hard.”
“So you feel like you have to do the same with Rhett?” Clover finishes, frowning.
“No. Yes. I don’t know. We grew up in this life, Clo. We’ve seen our mothers sacrifice for our fathers.” Rhett and Cara. Cara and Rhett. It’s what is supposed to be.
Clover turns to me, giving me the full Black-Banks stare. “Yes, our mothers sacrificed for our fathers. But that was their choice. They love them and knew that deep down our fathers would always put them first. They’d never put the club before them. You know that. I know that. Everyone knows that.”
I open my mouth to argue, but realize I don’t have anything to say. She’s right. No matter how much my father loved the Wind Dragons, my mother, my sister, and I always came first.
When she reads the realization on my face, she gives me a sad smile. “You don’t have to stay with Rhett because everyone thinks you’re destined, Cara. Being destined doesn’t mean he can take you for granted. And no one will feel like you failed if you chose a different path. I chose a different path.”
I sigh heavily. “I texted him to see if he was coming home last night. He didn’t, and never even replied. He called me earlier today and said he was busy with club shit.”
“Yeah, I hear they’ve been keeping him pretty busy,” she agrees, taking a sip of her drink and then putting it back down again. “You know I love Rhett. Hell, I would take a bullet for him. But I will not sit here and watch you waste away your life because of some image you had when you were sixteen! Is this the life you envisioned? Or better yet, is this the life you wanted?”
Her words reach a part of me that I’ve been burying. Realizing how long I’ve just been going through the motions, pretending that everything is fine.
Am I fine?
I don’t want to lose Rhett. He’s a part of me, and he’s been in my life since I can remember. He’s one of my best friends. But did we get it all wrong? What if that’s all we were meant to be?
Friends.
“Where is all of this coming from?” I ask. “You’ve always said that Rhett and I were meant to be together.”
“Maybe I was wrong,” she admits, showing me a picture on her phone. “Look at you here. Look at your smile. I haven’t seen that smile in so long.”
I stare at the picture of the three of us at our high school graduation. I can’t even recognize that girl anymore.
