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I hide my phone under the pillow, like that can save me from making any bad decisions, and head for the bathroom.
Change is a weird thing.
It brings out so much in you, good and bad.
I’m just going to have to hold on for the ride.
* * *
“Rhett still didn’t call you back? He’s not answering my calls either,” Clover comments as she looks at her phone. After an hour at the park, a shopping trip and a museum, we’ve settled down for lunch with Sapphire asleep in her stroller.
“Nope. Nothing from him. He’s probably knee-deep in women at the clubhouse.”
Yeah, the thought does hurt. I’m not completely dead inside, and it does hurt to think of Rhett being with other women. But not as much as it used to hurt when I was still with him. Now, he’s not mine. Before, the mere thought of a woman getting his attention used to kill me inside. It’s not my problem anymore.
“I’m going to call Dad and see,” she says, pressing some buttons and then the phone to her ear. “Hey, Dad. Yes, it’s me, your favorite child.” She laughs at his reply. “I’m just calling because I’ve been trying to get a hold of Rhett and I can’t. Do you have any idea where he is?” Her brow furrows and her tone changes, now worried. “Is everything all right? Yeah. Okay. Love you too.”
She ends the call and looks up at me. “Something is going on, and Dad doesn’t want to tell me. Maybe because it’s over the phone, or it’s just club business he doesn’t want us involved in.”
“What did he say?” I ask, confused. Her father, Dex, used to be president of the Wind Dragons but is still very much involved in the club happenings.
“That Rhett has gone away on club business for a few weeks,” she replies, crossing her arms. “He said that he is fine, and not to worry. I’ll have to try to catch Mom alone—she will probably give me more information.”
“The only time members suddenly disappear for a few weeks—”
“Is when some sort of shit is going down,” she finishes.
I remember when Rhett and I had to go away once, to keep us safe and away from the drama. That was when we both admitted that we wanted to be together and committed to each other. The beginning of our messed-up, intense love story. This is likely what has happened again, but this time without me. I suddenly feel terrible for missing his call when I was at Decker’s house, because he was probably calling to say goodbye and explain what was going on.
“I’m sure he’s fine,” she says, sensing my worry. She reaches out and takes my hand. “They know what they are doing. He’s probably just going to hide out until whatever this is blows over. Although he should have told us what was going down, so we knew. He normally would have.”
But everything is different now.
I scrub my hand down my face in frustration. “He tried to call me, and I didn’t answer. This is my fault.”
“No, it’s not. This is the lifestyle that he chose, Cara. He isn’t just in the MC, he is the MC. They want him to take over when Arrow steps down, which will be soon—he’s old now. This is his world, we are just living in it,” she says, sighing. “I need to punch something. Times like this I miss the clubhouse. Now I have to go to a boxing gym.”
I can tell that she is worried too, but she has no guilt over the situation, unlike me, who dumped Rhett, moved away without telling him and then never answered when he tried to call me.
“I wouldn’t mind hitting something,” I admit.
“Maybe we should join a muay thai gym,” she teases, glancing down at the stroller to check on Sapphire. She’s such a chill kid and is so easy to take places.
“Decker is the last thing I need to be worrying about right now,” I mutter.
“Yeah, that’s why you’ve been texting him all day.” Clover smirks, leaning her elbows on the table, studying me. “You can’t fool me, Cara. I know you too well.”
“I’m not trying to fool you, more myself because I know that I’m being an idiot,” I grumble.
Clover simply shrugs, no judgment on her face. That’s just one thing I love about her—she’s never quick to judge. Well, with me anyway. “I think you’re overthinking it. Do what you want to do. What feels right. Not what you think that you are meant to do. There’s nothing wrong with moving on. And Decker is hot as hell. You deserve some of that.”
“If I wanted to do what felt right, I’d go over to Decker’s right now and have a repeat of the other night. I can’t stop thinking about anything else,” I blurt out.
She throws her head back and laughs. “That’s the power of some good penis. Never underestimate it.”
“It’s not just that. It’s everything about him,” I admit quietly. “It’s how he makes me feel. I feel safe, I feel comfortable, but still with butterflies in my stomach. He makes me feel sexy, powerful, like I can do anything. It’s an addictive feeling.”
Her eyes widen, as if only just realizing how much Decker is consuming me so soon. “Okay, I can see why you’re worried then. Because it’s not just the bomb sex. It’s more.”
