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I wince. “I’m sorry about that, but it’s not what you think. Nothing happened between us. But you have to remember that the night we broke up I witnessed a random woman with her tongue down your throat.”
Now it’s his turn to wince. I don’t want this to be a tit-for-tat conversation. So I wave the metaphorical white flag. “I’m not with anyone, Rhett,” I reply.
“Still can’t trust him, Cara. He’s a cop.”
“Ex-cop, and he was Felix’s partner. You trust Felix, don’t you?” I fire back. “And this doesn’t have anything to do with us, Rhett. We are over, and now we need to heal and move on.”
He goes silent, and I wish I knew what he was thinking. “I love you, Cara.”
“I know you do. But are you in love with me?” I ask, because I know the answer to that. We started off so strong, so in love, but somewhere along the way we lost that. We lost that obsession with each other—that spark, that chemistry. We no longer want to be around each other all the time. We got used to being apart from each other, and that’s why now we can live without each other.
Rhett rubs the back of his neck in frustration.
“You aren’t in love with me, Rhett,” I answer for him. “Your actions have spoken for you. I deserve more than that. I will always love you, but I’m no longer in love with you.”
Such a slight wording difference, but it means so much.
It means the difference between friendship and true romantic love.
He looks down at his boots. “I just don’t know how you can walk away so easily.”
“This has been a long time coming, Rhett. At least a year now we haven’t been happy, but we’ve held on to each other because it’s too scary to let go. But that’s not a reason to be together. And I know that you have been with other women. There’s no point lying anymore.”
He lifts his head, blue eyes meeting mine. “I’m so sorry, Cara. I’ve fucked everything up. I just got so lost in the MC, and then Arrow told me they want me to take over the club one day, and it consumed me. I distanced myself from you, and just did whatever I wanted. I’m sorry. You’re the last person that I ever wanted to hurt.”
“Yeah, and you never even spoke to me about that. Aren’t we supposed to share things with one another?”
He takes a deep breath. “You’re right. I just didn’t know what you’d say and I didn’t know how to process it. It’s a lot of pressure.”
With that, my annoyance and anger for him are pushed to the back burner. I move over to him and give him a hug. “I bet. You know you can still talk to me about those things. We’re friends first. Always. Maybe we were meant to be each other’s first loves, and that’s it.”
And that’s okay. There was a lot of pressure on us to last forever, but that’s not always realistic.
I kiss his temple. “You know I’m always here for you, whatever you did. We’re good. I forgive you.”
I don’t want to be bitter about us. Yeah, he did me wrong, and now there are going to be consequences of that. He’s no longer going to have me by his side as his woman. I’m never going to be his old lady, or the Wind Dragons’ president’s wife, and I’m okay with that. I never wanted it, and I still don’t want it. I never imagined he’d be taking over one day. Not only am I a teacher, but I also don’t want my kids having to live their lives the way we did, always looking over our backs and having people wanting to use us against our parents. We didn’t have a normal childhood. I don’t want my kids to have to go into lockdowns and to be escorted everywhere. I understand with my family ties that my life might always have some sort of threat of danger, but I don’t have to have my future children growing up in a clubhouse like I did.
It’s the club for Rhett, it always has been, ever since his mom, Tia, married Talon, his stepdad and club member. Rhett had always wanted to be in that world.
And I want him to be happy, even if that’s not with me.
“I’m never going to love anyone how I loved you,” he says, rubbing his eyes and sighing. “What the fuck am I going to do without you, Cara?”
“Be free,” I say with a smile. “And I’m still here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Just not for sex.”
I tap him on the back. “You have plenty of options for that. And you never know what will happen in the future. If we’re meant to be, then we will be.” Even though I don’t think we’re going to end up together, I still believe that.
He squeezes me tighter and then slowly lets me go. He looks at me and smiles sadly. “We’ll find our way back together, I know it.”
I stay silent so he continues, “You are a good woman. The best.”
“I know.”
He laughs. “You ever need me, you call me. I’m here. No matter what it is.”
“I know,” I repeat.
