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Bella was quiet, so I figured I’d answer her anyway.
She hadn’t moved from the door, maybe she would run, I wouldn’t chase her, my job was done already in keeping her safe.
“Why?” Her voice filled the room, even though she said it in a near whisper.
“Because, I wanted to change my fate, change the fate of the De Langes and when I was offered that chance, to actually do something worthwhile knowing it could kill me, I couldn’t say no, especially when it was Junior who asked me to do it. He said we’re all faced with impossible choices, it’s what you do in those moments that define you, I chose my path knowing what the future risks could be, and I never regretted it once, because you told me you trusted me and I believed you.”
“Because.” Bella’s voice was closer, her footsteps neared. “At the end of the day, no matter how many times I wanted to set you on fire—I did. I knew you would always save me when I couldn’t save myself, and you knew I’d take a bullet for you while yelling at you for being stupid.”
I hung my head and smiled. “It’s always at the end of your life that you find your meaning, or is that too depressing?”
A smack landed against my back, then my head. I ducked and turned around. Bella had her hand lifted again.
The red wine stain was still on her white skirt, her matching white blouse had blood on it, her eyes were fierce, angry. “Keep talking and I’m going to keep hitting.”
“I’m used to your violence.”
Her eyebrow arched. “Oh?”
I rolled my eyes. “Christmas 2019, you waited outside my room for two hours in an elf costume, and didn’t hand me a bag of coal, more like swatted me with it then put three more bags under the tree, naming each of my sins, whore, being one of them. It was lovely, thank you.”
“You slept around.”
“I never slept,” I teased.
“SEE!” She raised her hands into the air. “Whore!’
“You’re too easy. Do you really think I was sleeping around that much? Come on, I wasn’t that bad, everyone goes through a stage in life.”
She rolled her eyes. “Multiple times?”
“You’re cute when you’re jealous.”
“I’m not.”
“Are.” I reached for her. “Come here.”
She stepped away. “Nope.”
“Come on, give a dying man a hug.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “Don’t say that.”
“Sorry.” And I meant it. “Let’s just have the honeymoon we never got and enjoy each other until hell comes raining down on our Families and I make myself an even bigger target.”
“Ciao.” She crossed her arms and took a step toward me.
“What?”
“The first thing you said to me was Ciao Bella, followed by numerous insults and stupid boy things, but I could never understand if you were saying hello or goodbye.”
“Open ended,” I admitted. “Because I wanted to say hi, but I was afraid that the minute I did, I’d be saying goodbye, so I figured it covered my bases. That if something happened to me, I wouldn’t be sad because I said goodbye first.”
A tear spilled onto her cheek. “My first goodbye, my first kiss, my first marriage, my first honeymoon, how many firsts are you willing to give me Ivan De Lange?”
Blood pounded in my ears. “How many do you have left?”
I knew the answer.
